A Forbidden Destiny
by russianbear27
Summary: Cullen escorts Kaliana Surana to Denerim, and the pair are free from the Circle for a whole week. Unable to keep their feelings a secret any longer their lives are set on a new dangerous course. Will love triumph, or will the perils of Thedus rip them apart? Kind of AU. Rated T for now.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello!**

 **New story! Hurray! Don't worry readers of my other story (Mother of Halla) that is still in the works as well. Anyway, I've been doing another play through of the Dragon Age series and wanted to do a slightly AU story of Cullen and Surana. I'm not sure how far I'll go with it, but it could potentially go through all three games. It's just for fun, kind of fluffy, maybe a bit actiony, and far fetched in some cases I suppose. Buckle up, because I'm not sure where this one is taking me!**

 **Read, enjoy, and review please!**

 **RussianBear27**

* * *

Chapter 1

She could hear them talking, all around her the tower was abuzz with the news of her Harrowing. Everyone was talking about her, the quiet elf who kept mostly to herself, and nearly always had her head in a book. Some even mistook her for a tranquil from time to time.

"She breezed through," they whispered. "One of the smoothest Harrowings ever. She has so much potential."

Instead of basking in the congratulations from her fellow apprentices, she stole away to the library to the rarely used chamber she had come to love. It may have once been a storage room, but she had turned it into her personal hide away. Being the Librarian's assistant had its perks.

There she kept a collection of her favorite tomes. A worn chair sat opposite the window looking out over the lake. A quilt was folded neatly across the ottoman. Early one morning, she woke up to find that same quilt covered her. Someone had cared enough to bring it up to her after she had fallen asleep reading. The old rug that covered the stone floor used to belong First Enchanter Irving's, who she convinced to part with after he acquired a new one for his quarters.

Otherwise the small room was sparsely decorated. A few books were stacked on the stone bench beneath the window, since there was no more room on the few shelves she had. It wasn't much, but it was the closest thing she had to having her own space.

Here she could hide away from the prying eyes, and the attention that made her so uncomfortable. The only ones who ever visited her here were Jowen, and a Templar. There were many a night Jowen would join her and they would stay up late playing cards, studying for exams, or just talking. Cullen, the Templar, was different. He had stumbled upon her hide away quite by accident, but had become a familiar visitor.

Cullen would visit her during his off hours. Usually they would read together in silence. Though she had caught him looking at her, when he was supposedly reading, on more than one occasion. She didn't mind though. Sometimes they would talk about family back home, or discuss the books they were currently reading. She knew his favorites were the adventure stories and history, while she read about theories of the fade and ancient elven magic.

Often, she would attempt to dicuss what she was learning, but some of it went over Cullen's head. Nonetheless, he always listened intently. It was a dangerous game they were playing, but neither had the mind to step away. At least not yet.

The familiar space was a welcome sight after the trials of her Harrowing. She looked out over the lake towards the distant shore, lost in thought. She didn't even notice when Cullen entered.

"Kaliana, you d-did very well in your Harrowing," he stammered, startling the mage.

"Cullen!" she gasped, "don't sneak up on me like that."

"I-I'm sorry," he always struggled with his word around her. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's alright," she assured him, "and thank you."

He just looked at her for a moment, unsure of what to say next. Until he remembered the excuse he had procured to track her down, "I, um, have a letter for you. Ah, it's from your mother… I think."

Kaliana smiled, she couldn't stop herself from noticing how cute he was when he was nervous. Turning a shade of red, Cullen handed her the letter.

"I'm very glad you succeeded in your Harrowing," he tried to make conversation while she opened the message. "Well, I knew you would, because you're… um, well you're you. I just, if you hadn't completed your Harrowing they put me in charge of… ending things…" He froze realizing how it sounded, "I'm sorry, this was much better in my head."

"Cullen," Kaliana giggled, "I know what you mean. I'm glad you were there."

He sighed and changed the subject, "What does your letter say?"

Kaliana skimmed the first portion of the letter, "well it seems my sister is to be married soon."

"Will you go to the ceremony?"

"I don't know, mostly likely not," Kaliana was torn. "I haven't been home to Denerim since I joined the circle." Her mother and sister had visited on a couple occasions, but visits were rare and difficult for her family who had no coin to spare. She was lucky she received letters from family often. Many apprentices either had no family, or their families didn't care enough to write. Some families looked upon magic as shameful and preferred to abandon their children to the Circle.

"As a full mage of the Circle you can request time to leave," Cullen noted.

"I don't know, they only give leave for very good reasons."

"You'll never know if you don't try."

Kaliana thought for a moment. The circle occasionally would grant leave to mages to leave, but only for certain events and under very strict conditions. Cullen was right though, there was no harm is trying.

* * *

Kaliana was given a week's leave to attend her sister's wedding. She was of course to be escorted by a Templar guard. Luckily Kaliana was considered a "low risk" by the order, since she knew very little combat magic. She had spent most of her time in the circle studying theoretical magic and the fade. This meant that only one guard was needed to escort her. Her guard, of course, was none other than Cullen Rutherford. Though he was one of the most likely choices for this assignment, Kaliana wasn't convinced it was entirely by chance they were to travel together. She couldn't determine if it was Irving or Gregior's influence that determined this arrangement. Regardless, she was thrilled to be able to visit her family.

It was a two-day journey to Denerim, and Cullen said very little to her during their first day of travel. They never spoke much outside of Kaliana's little office and when they did they never used each other's names. She always to the Templar as "Ser," and he addressed her as "Miss," as was the proper way. Yet, his silence now perturbed her. He seemed more nervous than ever, and she addressed it after they made camp for the night.

"Are you angry with me, Cullen?" Kaliana asked as they sat near the fire.

Cullen looked at the girl across from him. She was nineteen, a full head shorter than he and of slender build. Her warm auburn hair rested on her shoulder in a long braid, blue-green eyes shining in the starlight. He held her gaze too long and looked away a bit embarrassed.

"Well, are you?" she probed.

"A-angry? With you," he stammered in his usual manner, "I would t-think not. You do make me nervous, however."

"Nervous?"

"Um, yes, in a m-manner of speaking."

"How do I make you nervous?" her heart beat faster. The Circle walls were gone and yet there was still something between them.

"I… well I… Why are you asking this?" he dodged.

"You haven't really spoken to me all day. We don't have to talk if you don't want to…"

"No, that's not it," feeling the pressure, Cullen pushed his hand through his blonde hair. It was a nervous mannerism that Kaliana adored. "I would prefer not to make a fool of myself in front of you. Though it seems that is completely unavoidable"

"You are many things Cullen, but you are certainly not a fool."

"I really wish that were true," he said hardly above a whisper. He knew his feelings for Kaliana were beyond foolish. There was no possible future with her, but his feelings for her had only grown the few years he had been around her. Kaliana hadn't encouraged him, nor had she deterred him either. He wasn't like the other Templars in the circle, and she couldn't deny her feelings for him as well.

Cullen prayed every night to the Maker and Andraste, asking why they had seen it fit to torment him so. Now it seemed they were playing some cruel prank on him, as he was no traveling alone with the one person he could never be with.

Looking at her now, in the glow of the campfire, he couldn't help but think that Andraste had put them together for a reason. That maybe this cruel joke of the divine was actually the opportunity he had hoped for since the day they met in the Circle's chapel years ago.

"Can I tell you something, Cullen?" Kaliana asked gently.

Cullen sat up a bit straighter, "of course. You can tell me anything."

The mage moved over next to the Templar and sat down a mere breath's away from him. "Please stop me if I go to far, but I know I'll never get another chance to say this." She looked directly into his warm golden eyes, "I don't know how to say this, but I care about you Cullen. More than I should, and I think you are a wonderful man. Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mage, or maybe that you were, and then we could be…" she trailed off.

Cullen just stared, unable to find the words to reply. He was panicking, his heart said yes, but his head said no.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. Just forget I ever said anything," Kaliana frantically backpedaled. She stood up to leave, her cheeks burning in embarrassment.

"Wait!" Cullen grabbed her hand, finally finding his words.

Kaliana stared at him, wide eyed, as he stood and looked down at her.

"I've never been good with words around you," he whispered still holding her hand. "I know what is between us can never be. It goes against everything we have been taught. We can never be together."

She looked away, and fought back tears knowing he was right.

His free hand found her chin and gently raised her face till she was looking into his eyes once more. "We can not be together," he repeated softly, "but that doesn't mean I don't _want_ to be with you. I have cared for you since the day I met you and I no longer have the strength to deny my feelings for you. It is up to you, and when we return to the Circle this will all be over. If word ever got out, the punishments would be… severe. Is this really what you want?"

A tear slid down Kaliana's cheek. She always seemed to cry at the worst times. "I would gladly give my life for a day with you, than spend the rest of my years wondering what could have been."

He pulled her in to his chest, and he held her for what seemed like years. In a week they would have pretend none of this had happened, but right now they had each other.

Kaliana giggled to herself suddenly interrupting the moment.

"What's so funny?" Cullen asked.

"You didn't stumble over your words," she grinned.

Cullen smiled sheepishly, "Well you still make me nervous."

"Perhaps I can change that."

Cullen pulled her closer unable to stop himself from fulfilling a dream three years in the making. When their lips met, they knew there was no turning back now. Their destinies were forever entwined, sealed by a kiss beneath the stars.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again!**

 **Would you like some fluff? I hope so, because I wrote some fluffy fluff stuff. I hope you enjoy it! Also, leave me a review if you feel so inclined.**

 **RussianBear27**

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Chapter 2

Denerim hadn't changed much during Kaliana'a years in the Circle. At least as far as she could tell, many of her memories of the city were fuzzy and faded. After all, the last time she had been here she was only six years old. The Templars who collected her were kind enough, but that was little comfort for a confused little girl who did not want to leave her mother and sister.

Her mother had told her to be brave as she wiped away her own tears. Kaliana had begged to stay, promising to always be a good girl as long as she could stay. It was impossible to explain to one so young how the world worked, but her mother did her best. Somehow with one last hug and a kiss goodbye Kaliana went with the waiting Templars to start her new life.

"Are you alright my dear?" Cullen asked, snapping Kaliana back to reality.

"Yes, yes. I'm sorry, I was lost in thought." Kaliana pushed the memories to the back of her mind.

"Alright," Cullen eyed her suspiciously. Kaliana seemed very uncomfortable here. "Well, the Chantry is not far. We should go check in, then we can go see your family."

Kaliana didn't like the Chantry much. The sisters outside the chapel reciting the famous portion of Chant of Light didn't do much to ease her mind. "Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him," the Chant of Transfiguration could be heard down the street. "Foul and corrupt are they, Who take His gift, And turn it against His children."

Must she always be reminded of the Chantry's distrust of the mages? Though Kaliana believed in the Maker, she felt the Chant was sometimes used to manipulate and control people more than Andraste intended.

Thankfully the interior was quiet, a welcome change from the bustle of the city. Cullen bid her to wait for him in the sanctuary while he sought out the senior Templar on duty.

The pew creaked softly when she sat down, and Kaliana looked around anxiously hoping no one heard. Settling herself, she smoothed her skirts over her lap and reflected on the crazy events had occurred in the last twenty-four hours. Cullen had been special to her since the day they met in the Circle Chapel. Now, it seemed that impossible dream she held close to her heart had become a reality.

Silently, she prayed to the Maker for forgiveness. Personally she felt that in the Maker's eyes love became before all else, but officially the Chantry would condemn them both for their actions.

A few moments later Cullen returned, having accomplished his task. The young Templar was all smiles as he collected her from the Chapel. Kaliana loved his lopsided grin. It always made his eyes light up. Once again she was reminded how lucky she was to know him.

"Are you ready to see your family?" Cullen asked once they left the Chantry.

"I believe so," Kaliana replied, "Mother knows I'm coming, but Helena has no idea."

"Then she's in for a great surprise."

Leaving the Market District the houses gradually began degrading, and this pattern continued, as they got closer to the Alienage. Although Cullen had heard about the elven Alienages, he had never seen one. He was taken aback by the conditions of the Alienage. Dirty children play in rags on the streets, and there seemed to be a beggar on every street corner. Some of the homes looked to be on the verge of collapse, and the smell was unpleasant to say the least.

People stared and whispered as they passed, but none approached them. Cullen's Templar armor was enough to keep most everyone at bay. Luckily, finding Kaliana's family home wasn't too difficult. Originally it had been a single home, but at some point the single story house had been divided into two small apartments. Outside, an elven woman with greying hair was hanging laundry to dry.

"Mother!" Kaliana called to her.

The woman turned and smiled when she saw them. "Kali!" She opened her arms and rushed over her daughter. Kaliana caught her mother in a warm embrace.

"It's so great to see you Mother," Kaliana beamed.

The older woman noticed the looming Templar, "and who is this?" She asked cautiously.

"Oh, this is Ser Cullen of the Templars, Mother. He is my escort and guardsman," she quickly explained. "Ser Cullen, this is my Mother, Naenia."

Naenia eyed him suspiciously, but extended her hand in greeting.

"I hope to not be of any trouble to you. Ideally, you will not even know I'm here." Cullen assured her.

"Well, make yourself at home," Naenia invited. "It's not much, but it has served us well. Helena is inside making supper." Though she was still wary of the young Templar, Naenia smiled warmly as she brought them inside.

Helena was busy cooking in the smallest kitchen Cullen had ever seen. The young elven woman nearly dropped her mixing bowl when she noticed her sister, squealing in surprise. Putting her mixing bowl aside, Helena nearly tackled her younger sister, still shrieking.

Seeing Kaliana with her family was a new experience for Cullen. In the Circle it was so easy to see the mages as individuals. Many of the older Templars described the mages as "walking-bombs" since corruption could happen to any mage at any time. Here, she was so much more, a sister and daughter. She was part of a family, something which the Chantry had seen fit to take apart. Cullen didn't always understand the Chantry's methods, but he trusted it was for the best. He was glad that Kaliana did get the opportunity to see her family again.

Naeria began setting the rickety table in the corner. Kaliana chatted with her sister while helping her prepare the rest of the meal. Cullen took in the small apartment that had only one adjacent room. The home was small, in disrepair, but it was neat and clean. A couple worn armchairs were placed in another corner with a small table between them. Cullen eyed the frayed rug awkwardly as he waited for the women to finish preparing dinner.

Luckily he didn't have to wait long for it to be served. Now he just had to get through the meal without completely embarrassing himself.

* * *

The pair returned to the Denerim Chantry that evening. Kaliana was required to spend her evenings within the Chantry's walls as part of the conditions for her leave. Even in the comfort of her room, Kaliana couldn't help but feel a bit lost. It was strange to be home in Denerim, when a small part of her missed the security of the Circle tower. The Circle had been her home for the last thirteen years, and it had become her world.

Kaliana flopped back on her bed. This whole trip had been a whirlwind and trying to process it was making her head hurt. Rolling over, Kaliana watched what was left of the candle burn down. It was late and the sisters of the Chantry had long since gone to sleep. The wedding was tomorrow, but Kaliana couldn't sleep.

Suddenly there was a soft knock at the door. Placing her bare feet on the cold stone floor sent shivers through her. Quietly she walked over to the door and opened it just enough to see who was outside.

"Cullen!" she whispered harshly. "What are you doing here? We'll get in trouble!"

"I couldn't sleep," he smiled that goofy smile. "I see you couldn't either. Let me in before someone sees me."

Kaliana opened the door for him, and she quickly glanced around the hallway to make sure no one had seen him enter. Slowly and quietly she shut the heavy door. She turned around, and leaned against the door. It was then she noticed Cullen was staring and she remembered she was wearing nothing but her nightclothes. Which in her case consisted of little more than a thin pull over that barely reached her thighs, and her under clothes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize," Kaliana sputtered. "You must think I'm some sort of… I don't know." She grabbed a blanket off the bed to cover herself.

Cullen closed his mouth realizing it had been open this entire time. "No, I think…" he breathed, "I think you're beautiful."

Kaliana blushed as she sat down on the bed. He always said the nicest things to her, even if she couldn't quite shake off her embarrassment. "Well, I think you're very handsome," she admitted pulling the blanket around her shoulders.

Her long auburn hair tumbled down in gentle curls resting on her shoulders, and Cullen caught himself staring again. She bid him to sit next to her on the bed and he obliged.

"Are you not afraid they will find us in here," Kaliana worried.

Cullen smiled again, "This is a Chantry, not the Circle. There are maybe six Templar guards here and only one of them is on duty at night. Once an hour he'll make his rounds, but he won't come by here."

After thinking for a moment Kaliana decided to trust Cullen. She leaned against him and he put his arm around her. "Do you think we are just fooling ourselves, Cullen?" Kaliana whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"We both know that we shouldn't be together, that we can't be together," she nearly choked on the words. "Why are we doing this, when we know is can only end in heart break?"

"Are you saying we should just stop now, and walk away? If that's what you want then…"

"No," she interrupted before he got the wrong idea. "I just don't know _why_."

Cullen was quiet, and for a moment she thought he would just get up and leave having finally come to his senses. Then he finally spoke, "I don't know _why_ Kali," she noted he picked up the nickname her mother used, "but what I do know is that when I'm around you I feel something I've never experienced before. It's like the world is brighter when you're around and I feel like I'm really alive. Every moment with you is a haven from all the confusion in life. You're the only thing that makes sense."

Kaliana lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling and soon Cullen followed suit. She turned and rested her head on his chest. He went rigid at the physical contact, unsure of what to do. He relaxed after a few moments and stroked her hair as he pulled her closer.

"I was taken to the Circle when I was six years old," Kaliana began. "It was a long time before I was comfortable there. I love the Circle, it's the only home I've really known, but I guess I've always thought of Denerim as my home. Now that I'm here, I just feel out of place. I thought it would be different. When I'm with you, it all disappears. When I'm with you, I'm home."

Before she knew it Cullen's lips were on hers. Her eyes widened in surprise, but she surrendered to his kiss wrapping her arms around him. He pulled back, and Kaliana smiled at him.

"I love you," he blurted surprising himself. It took all of her strength to keep from giggling at his horrified face. He had been holding in those three words for over a year. He had been smitten with her from the start, but as he got to know her over the previous three years in the Circle he had fallen in love.

"I love you too," Kaliana smiled finally being able to admit it. Cullen immediately relaxed hearing her say those words.

She snuggled up close to him, and he just held her in the dim candlelight. At some point she fell asleep in his arms, and when she woke up the following morning, he was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello again!**

 **Today it's Ser Cullen to the Rescue! I apologize for not updating for a bit. A close friend passed away recently, so the last couple weeks have been hard. Though, I thought I needed to write to keep me distracted a bit. Well, here it is. I hope you are all enjoying it. Please leave me a review, I would love to hear from you guys. Kali and Cullen only have 3 nights left together, and I haven't quite decided how I want those evenings to go ;) Let me know what you think!**

 **RussianBear27**

 **PS Any readers that ride motorcycles, PLEASE BE CAREFUL OUT THERE! (Sorry for the Public Service Announcement)**

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Chapter 3

The day of the wedding was a blur of activity. Cullen was thankful he had the chance to wander the market in the early morning. He enjoyed wandering the streets as the merchants set up their shops, the first rays of light illuminating the streets. After breakfast he collected Kaliana, and they headed to the alienage. Thus began his day of feeling rather useless.

It seemed everyone had something to do for the wedding. Kaliana and her mother were busy helping Helena get ready for the ceremony. It seemed the entire alienage had come together for this wedding. Everyone, from the poorest of beggars to the most successful shop owners, contributed to the proceedings in some manner. Whether it was decorations, food, or wildflowers picked for the bride, everyone had something to give. And Cullen just stood there and twiddled his thumbs.

Cullen stood guard outside Kaliana's family home while the women prepared for their big day. He endured the stares of the community as they passed by. Finally, the women emerged just past noon. Each was dressed in their finest clothes, which was only a modest green dress for Naera. Helena had been gifted her mother's wedding gown, an adorned white dress with a long skirt that Helena held in her arms to save from the dirty streets.

Then there was Kali. She wore her best sapphire circle robes. Her long hair had been lovingly braided and pinned up as her sister's had. She was a sight to see, and Cullen had to bite his tongue to keep from complimenting her in public.

Kaliana gave her sister a hug, and joined Cullen. Helena and her mother wandered off together.

"Where are they going?" Cullen asked.

Kaliana smiled, "mother is taking her to meet her betrothed."

"Wait," Cullen was shocked, "they haven't met yet?"

Kaliana laughed, "no. Most marriages in the alienage are arranged marriages."

"Why?" was all Cullen could ask, trying to wrap his head around it.

"Well, life is hard here," Kaliana explained. "Arranging marriages just makes sense most of the time. Helena is to be married to a black smith's assistant, which means that he will be able to provide for her and their family. Arranging marriages insures the best possible outcome for both parties."

"That is understandable, I guess," Cullen granted.

"You guess?" Kaliana looked him in the eye.

"I don't believe I would be able to let someone make a decision like that for me."

"Really now? I would think you'd be very okay with it, having spent as much time in the Templars as you have. At least you _can_ marry, if you so choose," Kaliana's eyes became cold. As a circle mage she would never be allowed to marry.

"I didn't mean it like that, Kali," Cullen tried to apologize, but Kaliana didn't reply and Cullen was forced to follow her in silence to center of the alienage.

The entire alienage had gathered there. A small stage had been built to hold the wedding for all to see. Soon, the Revered Mother from the Denerim chantry arrived to officiate the wedding. The rest of the wedding party showed up, not too long after the Revered Mother.

Kaliana took her place on the stage along side her mother, and the groom's family Cullen did his best to stay out of the way, and blend in at the back of the crowd.

The crowd split in half to make way for the bride and groom to take the stage. Applause and shouts of encouragement surrounded the couple has they climbed the steps to the Revered Mother. The Priestess smiled warmly as she began the wedding ceremony. That was until some unwelcome guests interrupted her. A small band of drunken noblemen had felt this was the best time to wander into the alienage in search of some fun.

"Ah, what do we have here?" one of them slurred. He was a middle-aged man, with a dirty goatee. Cullen pegged him as the leader. "Some sort of party, I do think." He stumbled up onto the stage, and Cullen began making his way slowly through the crowd.

"This is a wedding, Vaughan," the Revered Mother's tone was cold as ice, "and you are not welcome here. I will call the city guard." She knew this man well, he was always causing trouble, but she also knew her words would ring hollow in his ears.

"Shut up woman! I go wherever I so please," the man snarled. "My father is the Arl and I came here to invite some these ladies to my party." He put an arm around one of the bridesmaids, who slunk away from his touch.

Everyone was silent, unsure of what to do. The tension in the air was so thick it was suffocating. Anyone who had stood up to Vaughan before either ended up in prison or dead. There was nothing the elves could do. Vaughan's father controlled the guards, and these people were already so down trodden. Many of them accepted the abuse.

"These are some might fine whores here, Ser," one the cronies eyed Kaliana who gripped her staff tightly. She shuddered as he breathed in her scent. It took every ounce of her self-control not to burn the man alive with veil fire.

"Leave her alone," Cullen commanded. His eyes were dark and threatening.

"And who is this whelp?" Vaughan demanded.

"I am Ser Cullen Rutherford of the Templars, and that mage is under my protection," Cullen almost growled the words as he stared the man down.

"I suppose this bitch will have to do then," without taking his eyes off Cullen, the Arl's son grabbed Helena by the arm and Helena shrieked in surprise. The elven woman fell to her knees under painful his grip, soiling her dress in the dirt. Her fiancé made a move to aid her, but a nearby henchman flashed a knife in his direction stopping the man in his tracks.

Cullen drew his sword, "I suggest you leave now, or you will deal with the Templars."

The drunken lord laughed, "Templars? You mean the men in skirts who chase loose mages, and stand around in the Chantry all day? You have no authority here."

"By all means," Cullen smiled. "You have interrupted a Chantry sanctioned ceremony, threatened my charge and her family, as well as disrespected the Revered Mother. This is very much within my authority to act. I will give you one last opportunity to leave now, before I bring the might of the Templar order down upon your head," Cullen didn't even raise his voice, he didn't need to. His tone was as threatening as a caged dragon.

The man thought for a moment, and one of his goons approached him, "maybe we should just go to the Pearl instead, Ser."

Vaughan dropped his gaze from Cullen, and the Templar knew he had won. The drunken men stumbled off into the city, and the ceremony was able to resume.

Afterwards, the entire crowd thanked him for what he had done. Never had a human stood up for the elves, as he had, at least not in ages. Even the Revered Mother gave her thanks and told him she would send a glowing review of him back to Kinloch Hold.

Though it seemed that it was Helena and her new husband that seemed the most grateful. Before the dinner feast the couple approached them.

"I am glad you are the one looking after my sister," Helena told him. "We owe you a debt we can never repay, those men have preyed on the alienage for far too long. There are quite a few girls who have lost their… pride to those men. I cannot thank you enough."

"I know it is not much," Helena's husband Garven said, "but I want you to have this." The young elven man revealed a sheathed long sword, "It is my first solo work of silverite. I know it will serve you well in the protection of others."

"I can't take this," Cullen began.

"Please," Helena pleaded, "take it, and look after my little sister."

"I will," Cullen relented, taking the sword, "I promise."

"Thank you," Helena smiled.

* * *

It wasn't until the sun had begun to set did Cullen speak to Kaliana once again. The festivities would carry on late into the night, but Kaliana and Cullen had to return to the Chantry before nightfall.

"I'm sure the entire alienage has already said this," she said while they walked the streets in the fading light, "but thank you for what you did back there. It is a very rare thing for that man to leave empty handed, as far as Helena tells me. Perhaps he will think twice now before bothering the elves again."

They walked in silence for while. Kaliana stared at the road beneath her feet, the worn stones that had been laid centuries before. She knew Cullen was quiet because of how she had treated him earlier.

"I'm sorry, about what I said," she apologized. "I know the Circle tries to do what is best for the mages, and for Thedus."

"Do you wish you could be free of the Circle?" Cullen asked, curious.

Kaliana thought for a moment, "Yes, and no. Sometimes I feel like some of the rules are rather silly or outright oppressive to the mages. Yet, I know without the Circle, without the Templars, many would fall to the temptation of demons. Part of me feels like things could be better, for both parties. I don't know, it's much too complex a question for me to really answer."

"I suppose you're right," Cullen agreed.

"Living in the Circle isn't always easy, but deep down, I'm glad I'm there," she confessed.

"Any reason why?"

"I told you I went to the Circle when six years old, right?

"Yes, and I've wondered why. Most mages don't manifest their powers until at least ten years old."

"Well, I was a special case. The nightmares started shortly after my sixth birthday, when my father died. Then, not long after that, the Chantry sent for the Templars to take me to the Circle.

"There is a reason why my Harrowing went so smoothly. It was not my first time fully in the fade. I am what they call a dreamer, a somnairi. My connection to the fade is stronger than other mages, and when I sleep I would enter the fade completely."

"Doesn't that normally take Lyrium?" Cullen was surprised.

"Yes, but I, for some reason, don't need it. I am also able to manipulate the fade as I see fit, something that normally takes a lifetime of training. Many mages never achieve such power. I can even enter the dreams of others.

"Unfortunately, it also marked me as a prime target for possession. With my abilities, a demon could do unfathomable damage to the world." She could see Cullen was getting nervous, he was still a Templar after all.

"The Templars wanted to make me tranquil before I could even begin my apprenticeship, but Irving stepped in. He felt he could help me control my power and overcome the demons. Meanwhile, the Templars kept quiet about it and watched my progress carefully. By the time you arrived in Circle, I had mostly mastered my abilities, and the Templars had backed off. I think the only ones who know about me now, are Irving, Gregior, and a few of the higher up Templars."

"So how do you protect yourself?" Cullen asked timidly.

"Well, I construct a barrier when I sleep and enter the fade. Irving also put me through a lot of training and testing, so I would be able to identify and resist any demon I do come in contact with. In a lot of ways, I am much more prepared to resist possession than my peers," she wasn't bragging. Kaliana just stated it as a fact. This made Cullen relax again. "If not for the Circle, I would either be an abomination, or dead. I owe my life to Kinloch."

Even as a full Templar, magic still made him nervous sometimes. Especially magic he didn't quite understand. Yet, if Irving and Gregior were confident in her abilities, then he was too. The foolish part of him also felt that this woman would never fall to temptation, he trusted her.

They finally reached the Chantry, as the last rays of daylight faded away.

"Does it bother you?" Kaliana stopped outside the Chantry walls. "I mean, do my abilities bother you?"

Cullen sighed, his right hand reached for the back of his neck subconsciously. "Why has this been kept secret? I would think that at least the hold Templars would know."

"Well, somnairi are very rare and not well understood. I have worked very hard to get where I am today, and Irving did not want to cause unnecessary tension with the Templars." Kaliana began to get a bit defensive, "I am in full control of my power, I will never let it overtake me."

The spark of determination was evident in her eyes. Cullen was amazed at how she much she had to overcome, just to… exist. "You are amazing," he said truthfully, even if the power she held did intimidate him a little.

Kaliana smiled at him, "We should get inside before the Revered Mother sends out a search party for us."

"I suppose you're right," he smiled back at her, "but first…" before she could react he kissed her, praying no one was watching in the darkened streets. "I will always protect you," he vowed as they slipped into the Chantry courtyard.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello dear readers!**

 **This chapter is a bit shorter, but I hope you guys enjoy it!**

 **RussianBear27**

* * *

Chapter 4

"Do you ever sleep?" Kaliana asked when Cullen visited her at the same unseemly hour as he had the previous night.

"Occasionally," Cullen jested.

Kaliana was much more prepared this evening, and more comfortable in his presence. The blanket that covered her shoulders was more for warding off the cold of the Chantry's basement, than for modesty's sake.

Cullen made himself comfortable sitting on the bed, and Kaliana snuggled up beside him. She was exhausted from the day's events and knew this visit would probably a short one.

"Do you normally enter other people's dreams?" Cullen asked her.

"Sometimes," she admitted a bit surprised by his sudden question, "but not normally, it kind of feels like I am invading someone's personal space. Usually if I enter another's dream, it is by accident or it is of a dreamer who has long since passed on."

"So you enter the dreams of dead people?" Cullen asked wearily.

"Yes, I can, but their dreams are usually old memories running on a loop. A perpetual circle of their dreams, of their life, at least that's all I've seen. I try not to wonder too far into the fade."

"Hm," was all Cullen said in reply.

"I wouldn't be able to get far anyway. I can only reach so far away from myself."

"I don't think I would mind dreaming with you," Cullen confessed.

Kaliana looked up at him, surprised. "Really?" she asked. "I could if you want. I've seen yours before," Kaliana caught herself.

"You've seen mine before?" Cullen wasn't that surprised.

"Well, I um, I see a lot of dreams in the tower. I've never entered yours, I swear. I just osbserved," Kaliana turned a bright shade of red.

"I would probably have done the same, if I were in your shoes," Cullen assured her.

Kaliana smiled, still embarrassed. They sat together for a while longer, and talked as if there was nothing in the world that could keep them apart. Cullen spoke of his family, and Kaliana wished she could meet them. Though, Cullen admitted he hadn't seen them in years, but still wrote to his sister Mia often.

As time passed, Kaliana grew more weary and finally bid Cullen goodnight. She shut the door behind him, and fell asleep moments after crawling beneath the rough sheets.

* * *

Kaliana always loved to dream. It was the only place she had complete control. The waking world was always changing, shifting, and moving at a pace she struggled to keep up with. Around every corner there always seemed to be another rule, another binding chain, another Templar. She preferred to hide from it all, in her books, in her dreams… in Cullen.

She looked for her Templar in the fade, wandering through the tall green grass of her dream. She had sculpted the trees around her into the twisting swirls that reached towards a sky forever lit by twilight. Looking down at her nightclothes, she decided they wouldn't due. A moment later she wore a fine silk dress of pale blue and silver, the long skirt trailing behind her.

She found him by a lake, standing on a rickety dock looking out over the peaceful water. He turned and saw her coming, and as she approached the dream seemed to become sharper, more lifelike. It was as if he was awake.

"Is this real?" Cullen asked softly as she joined him on the dock.

"Yes and no," Kaliana explained, "you are really seeing this in your mind, but no you are not really here." She studied their surroundings, "by the way, where is here?"

"It's…" Cullen was surprised she didn't know, "the lake I used to come to as a child. I thought you brought me here."

"No. This is your dream Cullen, and you are remarkably strong willed. You brought us to somewhere familiar to you. Normally we would be somewhere more familiar to both of us. I would have expected Kinloch."

Cullen thought for a moment, taking it all in. "I have to ask," he said cautiously, "but how do you tell this from reality? How do you know it's me and not a demon?"

Kaliana knew what he was really asking. How would he know it was really her? "Well," she began, "when demons shift into a form of another, there is always some flaw. They can imitate life, but not achieve it. People are deceived, because they want to believe and have their inner most desires granted. They are willing to overlook the flaws, in exchange their wishes are granted, but it is nothing more than endless dream. Then, of course, the demon gains control over the dreamer's physical form."

"Oh, so all I have to do to avoid being possessed is find the demon's flaw?" Cullen tried to make light of such a heavy reality.

"Well that, and resist all your deepest darkest desires being offered to you on a silver platter."

"I already have my deepest darkest desire," Cullen took her hand in his, smiling.

Kaliana smiled back, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You know, when we return to the Circle Tower, I can still visit you in your dreams if you like. It's the only place they can never find us."

Cullen was quiet for a moment, his smile shrinking away. "We agreed once we returned to the Circle this would end."

Kaliana's felt her heart constrict as he spoke.

"I love you Kaliana, but I know if they discover us I will never see you again. They will separate us forever at best. More likely you will be locked away and I will be thrown out of the order. I don't know if I can live with the reality of never seeing you again. I would never be able to forgive myself if they took you away."

Kaliana's heart sank. Deep down she knew he was right. If they were found that he would most likely be stripped of his Templar status and she could end up in Aeonar, the mage prison. It was miracle she had avoided it so far. The Templars had wanted to send her there almost as soon as she had arrived at the Circle.

Still, she didn't want this to be over, even though she knew the consequences. At first she thought she would be able to pretend that this never happened, that they would be able to go back to normal. Now, she knew it wasn't possible. "I know what I said Cullen, but I can't just let this go," she said the tears welling up in her eyes. "I can't pretend like nothing happened and walk away."

Cullen held her close, he didn't want to walk away either. He wanted to give her everything. He would give her the world to just make her smile. Try as he might, he couldn't deny his heart, and he couldn't deny his love.

"I don't know what will happen to us Kali, but I don't think I can walk away either," he spoke softly. "We will figure this out, together. Come what may."

Their waking would soon crumble to pieces, but for this moment their dreams were real. Only to be stolen by morning's light.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello again readers,**

 **Here is some lovely Cullen fluff stuff. It might be the last of the fluff for a while, I think. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying the story! Leave me a review!**

 **RussianBear27**

* * *

Chapter 5

A Chantry sister jarred Kaliana from her sleep before the sun had completely risen. The order from the Circle had arrived only moments before, but as soon as the head Templar had read the missive the sister was dispatched for Kaliana's rude awakening. Kaliana was to leave immediately with Cullen and return to the Circle.

Inwardly, Kaliana was panicking. It was impossible for anyone to have discovered her relationship with Cullen. At least she hoped. She gathered her few belongings in a silent terror. Thankfully, upon meeting Cullen in the Chantry sanctuary he explained that their abrupt departure was due to unrelated influences. Namely their exodus was due to a call to arms by King Cailan. Many circle mages and Templars were heading to battle, and all others were being called back to the circle.

As soon as they were able, Cullen and Kaliana were escorted from the city. This rushed exit meant Kaliana would not have the chance to say goodbye to her family. She took comfort in the Revered Mother's promise to pass on her goodbyes. As the rays of dawn finally broke the horizon, Kaliana whispered a private goodbye outside the city gates.

Kaliana and Cullen said little during their journey, both of them knowing their time alone together would soon been at an end. Cullen finally broke their restrained silence at the campfire that night.

"I have something for you," he said sitting beside her.

Kaliana merely turned her gaze from the flames to him.

"I know it's not much," he began reaching into a pocket, "but I thought you could at least have something to remind you of our time together." He held a small leather pouch in his hand and placed it gently in Kaliana's open palm.

She smiled as she opened the drawstring mouth, and turned the pouch upside down gently into her free hand. A silver necklace tumbled out into her awaiting fingers. The long delicate silver chain supported a crescent moon and star pendant. The silver moon seemed to glow a faint blue, and the star had similar white glow to it.

"I was told it was enchanted," Cullen explained, "I believe it helps improve barriers, but I also just thought you'd like it."

"I love it, Cullen," Kaliana smiled wide. "Will you help me put it on?" She lifted her mangled curls for Cullen to fasten the clasp.

"I will always be with you Kali, as long as you wear it. Though, I will always be here… even if you don't…" he began overthinking his statement, as he so often did.

Kaliana silenced him with a kiss, "I love you," she said softly pulling away.

"And I love you," Cullen sighed. "Always."

They sat together near the fire till they had burned through their gathered supply of firewood, and little more than embers burned in the pit. Neither wanted their last night to be over, so neither made the move towards the tent that would consequently end the evening.

Neither of them spoke, Kaliana stood up and gently took Cullen's hand in hers. He looked up at her, eyes bright and her long hair gleaming in the moonlight. He feared he would never look upon like this again, but he silently reminded himself that Andraste would provide the way for them, if it was meant to be.

Getting to his feet, Cullen followed Kaliana to the tent. They stood outside for a moment, and Kaliana looked up at him. She caressed his jaw and admired his handsome features. For so many years she had hidden away in books, but he made her look up and look at the world around her. At the center of her world was Cullen. He was an anchor to reality that she hadn't thought she needed, but found he was the tether to the only happiness she had left.

Tonight was their last night together and they would make it count. There was tension in the air neither could quite place. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it seemed as if the air around them had become electrified.

Cullen pulled her into kiss that deepened with each passing second. They did not break apart as they stumbled into the tent, their arms wrapped around each other as if they would lose each other if they let go. It wasn't until Kaliana lay beneath him on the bedroll did he come to his senses.

"Wait," Cullen breathed trying to catch his breath.

"What's the matter?" Kaliana asked sitting up, her robes slightly skewed on her small frame.

"Is this what you want?" Cullen asked softly. "I mean by Chantry standards we should burst into flame at any moment," he was only half joking.

"Well," Kaliana began realizing what he meant, "my answer is yes, I do want this Cullen." She smiled at him, "as for the chantry, we've already broken enough rules to give the Divine herself a heart attack." He smiled at that, the goofy half smile that always made her heart melt. "But is this what you want, Cullen?"

"I… um. Yes, it is. I just don't want to hurt you… And I have never been with a woman in this way before," he finally admitted.

"Nor have I ever been with a man," she looked at him, as he wrestled with himself internally.

"Maker, forgive me," he kissed her again. Softly this time, and they descended together into the unknown.

* * *

Returning the tower was much more difficult than Kaliana had originally thought it would be. The familiar walls that once promised safety and comfort now felt like the bars of a cage. Shortly after returning, Cullen had returned to his duties and was forced to leave Kaliana wondering when she would see him again.

However, she was looking forward to moving out of the apprentice hall and into the mage's quarters. She had not gotten the opportunity to do so before leaving.

The apprentices' hall was thankfully empty as she gathered the last of her belongings from her bunk. Many of the senior mages were gone to Ostagar to help the king fight the darkspawn horde, or so she was told. The apprentices were off to their studies in the classrooms. Which left Kaliana to gather her things in blessed silence. She neatly piled her robes and books on the folded quilt of her bed. As she did, she heard the creak of the door open and Jowan appeared.

"Kali!" he exclaimed, "I've missed you so much! I haven't seen you since before your Harrowing." Loud and animated, Jowan was the polar opposite of Kaliana, but somehow their personalities complemented each other and they had formed a friendship early on. Jowan was like the brother Kaliana never had. He looked out for her, studied with her. He had always been there for her.

"I'm sorry for not saying goodbye," Kaliana apologized, "but there wasn't much time to."

"It's alright, Kali," Jowan was always quick to forgive her. "However," he became more serious, "I need your help with something."

"What is it?" Kaliana was worried by his grave tone.

He sat down on the bed opposite of her, took a deep breath, and just laid it out, "they're going to make me tranquil," he confessed.

"What?" Kaliana was shocked, "Why? How can they do that, you haven't even been given the chance to go through your Harrowing. There must be some mistake."

"There is no mistake, my source is sure and trustworthy," he sighed. "There's more."

Kaliana just stared at him. How could he even know this information? How could they get away with making him tranquil without giving him the option of a Harrowing first? A million other questions raced through her head.

Jowan went to the door and bid someone to enter. A girl, in Chantry robes, followed him over to the still shocked Kaliana. The robes she wore marked her as an initiate of the Chantry, she had yet to take her vows. Which explained how Jowan knew about his potential fate to made tranquil.

The girl's brown eyes matched her short hair, which had been neatly tied back out of her eyes. The girl did not show any sign of fear or caution, her eyes seemed to burn with a determination that Kaliana felt she personally lacked.

"This is Lily," Jowan introduced the young woman. "We have… Well, we have been involved with each other for quite some time now."

Kaliana eyed them suspiciously, still unsure why they needed to involve her in this.

"I have confirmed that they wish to make Jowan tranquil and deny him his Harrowing," Lily spoke up, "I fear they have found us out and will come for us if we do not leave soon."

"Before we can leave, we need to destroy my phylactery," Jowan explained. "Then Lily and I will be free to go wherever we choose, but we need your help. Getting into the phylactery storage requires a full mage who has passed their Harrowing."

"Jowan," Kaliana couldn't believe what they were asking of her, "even if we do somehow destroy the phylactery and you two somehow manage to escape the tower, they will still come after you. They will still hunt you."

"I know, but it's a risk I'm willing to take," Jowan took Lily's hand in his. "I would rather die free, than be made an emotionless husk for the rest of my life. Everything I care about would become meaningless. My love for Lily would be gone. That is not a life worth living."

She knew that he was right, in a way. If their roles were reversed, and he had come to him with Cullen, Jowan would help her without a second thought.

"Please," Lily begged, eyes wide and lined with unshed tears. The look of fearlessness Kaliana had observed earlier was gone now.

"Okay," Kaliana relented, "what do you need me to do?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello dear readers!**

 **This chapter is where shit starts going down! Hope you guys enjoy and hopefully it's not too dark and depressing.**

 **Thanks for reading,**

 **RussianBear27**

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Chapter 6

Getting into the phylactery storeroom was proving much more difficult than Lily had led Kaliana to believe. They made short work of the main door, but the guardians within lot of trouble. Luckily, Lily wasn't completely useless with a dagger, and Kaliana and Jowan's magic proved to be more than the defenses caused them a could handle. Slowly, but surely, they made their way through the dark cold hall beneath the tower.

Upon reaching the door to the phylactery storage, Kaliana knew they were in real trouble. The rod of fire she had obtained at Lily's insistence was useless.

"It's not working," Kaliana exclaimed after her third attempt at opening the door.

"What do we do?" Lily began to panic. This girl was turning out to be much more emotional than Kaliana originally believed.

"Calm down," Jowan soothed, "we'll find another way."

Stepping back from the door, Kaliana looked around. Down the hall there was another door, "where does this lead?"

"I-I don't know," Lily admitted. Why this girl was in charge of planning this escape, Kaliana did not know.

"Well, let's find out," Kaliana urged.

The trio barged through the door into a storage room full of mysterious items. Looking through some of the chests, and talking to a rather creepy tevinter statue possessed by a spirit, Kaliana decided it was better to leave most of the stuff undisturbed.

"Kali," Jowan called, "come help me with this."

Kaliana joined Jowan by an enormous bookshelf, filled to the brim with forbidden tomes that Kali would have loved to peruse had she the time. Instead she assisted Jowan and Lily in moving the massive bookcase. Behind the shelves was a crumbling wall. It was weakened, but upon inspecting it further it was clear they weren't going to be able to get through it by hand.

"Do you think we could use something in the room to break through?" Jowan asked, noting the condition of the wall.

Looking around, Kaliana spotted something that could be of use to them. In a corner was a frightening statue of a dragon headed mabari. Or at least that's what Kaliana thought it looked like. Regardless, Kaliana approached the strange artifact, "I've read about these. It's a defense mechanism of some nature, and I think we can use the rod the fire with it to blast open the wall."

"You're a genius!" Jowan smiled.

"Help me get it into place," Kaliana beckoned.

Sure enough the artifact worked in spectacular fashion, blasting away a large section of wall for them to pass through. Rubble was scattered in all directions, but the trio was able to enter the phylactery storage without further delay.

Jowan rushed over to the opposite wall of phylacteries and began his search. There were hundreds of bottles standing neatly on the selves of an ornate table, one for each mage and apprentice in Kinloch. Kaliana was surprised to see each vial was unique. Some were small simple little orbs, why others were tall swirled bottles of glass. Yet, they all served the same purpose. Housing the blood of every mage confined to these wall, so they may be easily tracked and hunted down in case of escape. Though Kaliana's head told her it was necessary for the Templars to have them, her gut turned over on itself looking at all the vials.

"I've found it!" Jowan called holding up his phylactery. "It's rather strange that something so small and delicate is the only thing standing between me and freedom."

A look of pure joy crossed Lily's face as he tossed it to the ground and it shattered into a million pieces. Kaliana's face did not display the same joy. This meant that her closest friend would be leaving forever, and he would be in constant danger for the rest of his days.

Jowan took noticed of her dismay, "you can come with us, Kali." He held a thin blue vial in his hand. It was Kaliana's phylactery. The glass was twisted and the amber liquid within swirled silently. It was strange to see the chains that bound her were so beautiful.

"I-I can't," Kaliana stuttered, putting the vial back in its place. She couldn't explain why, but she felt she wasn't meant to leave yet. Kinloch was the only home she ever knew. Then there was Cullen... She wasn't ready to go.

Jowan seemed to understand somehow. It was one of the reasons they were so close. He always seemed to get her, even if she couldn't find the words to explain. "It's okay," he whispered and embraced her, "thank you for everything."

"Don't thank me yet," Kaliana reminded him, "we still need to get out of here."

Leaving the phylactery storage was much easier than getting into it. Too easy, in fact. As soon as they emerged from the catacombs they were met with armed Templars, Knight-Commander Greagoir, and First Enchanter Irving. It wasn't until now that Kaliana truly realized what the ramifications of her actions could be. The idea of being caught hadn't even crossed her mind. Now here they were faced with the consequence of their actions. How could she have been so blind, so stupid?

"It seems you were right Irving, an initiate conspiring with a blood mage," Greagoir affirmed looking at Jowan and Lily. "Then, there's this one," he turned his attention towards Kaliana, "newly a mage and already committing such treacherous acts."

"I am truly disappointed in you, Kaliana," Irving mourned.

Tears brimmed in Kaliana's eyes. This wasn't right, she was just helping a friend and doing what she felt was the right thing. Greagoir was wrong, Jowan was no blood mage, he merely wanted to be with the one he loved. What was so wrong about that?

Kaliana searched the Templars, surely Cullen would do something. She found him standing in the back of their formation. They locked eyes for a moment, Kaliana silently pleading for help, but he looked away in an instant. There was nothing he could do, and they both knew it. Cullen couldn't hide the look of betrayal on his face, which sent a few of Kaliana's tears over the edge.

Greagoir and Irving interrogated Lily and Jowan further about blood magic, but it was all just static for Kaliana. It seemed the world around her was collapsing.

"Take them away," Greagoir ordered, "we will decide their fates when the Templars return from Ostagar."

"No!" Jowan exploded and before anyone could move he sliced open his hand. The crude blood magic pushed everyone back knocking them out for a moment.

"Come on Lily, we can leave together now," Jowan announced.

Lily's eyes were wide with horror, "no! You're a blood mage. You lied to me. I won't be going anywhere with you!"

Jowan looked to Kaliana, who just silently shook her head. She couldn't believe he would resort to such magic. Seeing that neither of the women would be joining him, he turned and fled without them. Leaving Kaliana and Lily at the mercy of the Templars.

* * *

After the Templars came to Kaliana and Lily were taken away without any resistance. They were confined to holding cells in the cellar to await their separate interrogations.

Lily went first and returned hours later. Her chantry robes were gone, she now wore a tattered blue robe. Similar to the garb the Templars had Kaliana put on after placing her in her own cell. Lily's hair was a mess, and her eyes were dark. Kaliana watched as the Templars led her into her cell. After locking Lily in her cell, they opened Kaliana's. As Kaliana was led away for her interrogation, she could hear Lily's sobs from all the way down the hall.

Kaliana was lead toward an interrogation room. It was empty, except for a single sturdy chair. The oak armrests had restrains for arms, and similarly the legs. She was roughly placed in the chair and strapped down. Her heart was pounding fast than she ever thought possible. She felt her mana drain as the Templars fastened the straps. She was completely defenseless.

The two Templar escorts left the room. She sat there for what felt like hours, just waiting. Finally the Knight-Captain, a harsh man by the name of Ser Fernald, entered the room.

"It seems your chantry accomplice was completely useless," he growled. "I hope for your sake that you are more forthcoming with information." His dark eyes crawled over her and she felt the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. Fernald was a large man, frighteningly large. Kaliana was sure he could crush her skull with one of his massive palms, as easily as once might crust an ant.

"I have run out of patience," he rumbled, "tell me where your maleficar friend has run off to, and maybe I'll let you keep your mind while you rot in Aeonar."

"I don't know where he is," Kaliana pleaded desperately. "He lied to me! I didn't know he was a blood mage!"

"Bullshit!" Fernald roared suddenly inches from her face. He gripped her arms painfully. Kaliana was assaulted by the foul stench of his breath, his black bottomless eyes staring her down. The Knight-Captain shoved her harshly as he backed away, running a hand through greasy black hair.

"Look here, girl," Fernald snared. "I will give you the brand myself to get the truth out of you. Now tell me where he is!"

Kaliana couldn't hold in the tears anymore. "I don't know," she sobbed. "You have to believe—"

Before she could finish Fernald struck her hard across her cheek. Black spots filled her vision and her heard whirled from the force of the blow.

"I will not tolerate any more of your lies. If you do not tell me where he is you will answer my other questions," his gravely voice rang in her ears.

He questioned her for hours. Asking about everything she knew about Jowan from his shoe size to his favorite color. Then he asked about her, and continually accused her of blood magic as well. When her answers where not satisfactory, he'd strike her. Finally, she just stopped answering all together. She had no words left for him. Her throat was dry and her tongue had gone numb. A thin trickle of blood ran down her chin from a split lip, and she could feel her left eye beginning to swell.

"Useless," Fernald spat realizing he wouldn't be getting any more information from her. The heavy door slammed behind him as he left. A few moments later it reopened as a Templar guard was sent in to retrieve her. Kaliana didn't even look at him as he crossed the room to unstrap her from the chair.

"Maker's breath," the guard's voice was familiar.

Through blurred vision Kaliana looked at the guard, finding Cullen's unforgettable face. Kaliana couldn't stop the tears now, even though she was already exhausted from crying.

"Cullen," she muttered through tears, "I-I didn't mean… I'm sorry... H-he lied to me."

"Don't speak," Cullen soothed as he removed the last of the straps. "It's going to be okay." They both knew he was lying, but neither dared to acknowledge it. "Can you walk?"

Kaliana tried to stand, but her legs gave way beneath her weight and exhaustion. Before she collapsed, Cullen scooped her into his strong arms. Walking back to her cell, Cullen could hardly contain his anger. Cullen could understand the need to find the blood mage, but this was monstrous.

Looking down at Kaliana's maimed face, Cullen knew he had failed her. She was already unconscious, her head bobbing ever so slightly against his shoulder. He should have said something, anything. Deep down Cullen knew Kaliana would not have willing helped a maleficarum to escape. Though, Cullen also knew there was nothing he could have said or done to prevent this. Not without the possibility of exposing them both, and ending up in the same situation.

Upon reaching her cell he laid her down gently on the straw mat. He wished there was something else beyond the tattered blanket he could give to her for comfort.

Cullen took solace in the fact that the Rite of Tranquility would have to put off till the mages and the Templar reinforcements returned from Ostagar. There was precious little he could do, but he would speak to Knight-Commander Greagoir about Fernald's interrogation. For now, he had to leave the woman he loved in cold lonely cell.


	7. Chapter 7

**Yay! New chapter!**

 **I'm really enjoying this story so far. I hope you are as well. On a side note, if you guys haven't played the Trespasser DLC for Inquisition, you should because it's awesome. It was almost as good as the Citadel DLC for ME3... or maybe just as good. I haven't decided. Anyway, there's my plug. Enjoy, and leave me a review! I haven't gotten any yet.**

 **RussianBear27**

* * *

Chapter 7

The days seemed to blur together with each hour indistinguishable from the next. How long she had been in her cell, Kaliana did not know. Days? Weeks? Months? The passing of time seemed insignificant in her cold cell. Every so often a Templar would bring her food and water, of which she ate little. Sometimes she would be taken for more questioning. Hearing the key turn in her cell door filled her with dread.

Fernald was becoming increasingly more brutal with each interrogation. Her arms were covered in bruises, and her left eye had swollen almost completely shut. Everything seemed to hurt and ache.

Since the night Cullen carried her back to her cell, her Templar had been absent. Kaliana couldn't bring herself to blame him, however. She knew she had crossed a line and there was no going back to how things were. It would be a miracle if she somehow avoided tranquility or Aeonar. Cullen probably thought she was some sort of blood mage like the rest of the Templars did.

There were times she would wake up on her straw mat and wish that she hadn't. That she would not wake up again. Her dreams as of late had been muddled somehow. The nightly trips to the fade she had once enjoyed and escaped to, were now little more than swirls of color and horrid faces. Somehow, someone had distorted her connection to her dreams and the fade. Which also left her completely drained of mana.

Why had Andraste abandoned her? Kaliana couldn't help but ponder that while she waited for Fernald to send for her again. Was it because of her sins? Was she to be forever damned because of her love for Cullen? It seemed Lily was suffering the same fate as Kaliana. Lily's sobs were audible from down the hall. Though, Kaliana was sure the chantry sister's interrogations were not as harsh.

Sometimes Kaliana could hear the hushed prayers of the poor girl. She still turned to the Maker for deliverance and forgiveness for her part in this mess. Kaliana couldn't find the strength to humble herself before a Maker that punished those who sought to do what was right; to beg forgiveness for loving someone unconditionally. She could not, and would not, apologize for being who she was, and let herself be condemned for the sin of compassion.

They had taken Lily away the previous day. Though Kaliana could only guess where. She doubted Greagoir would make good on his threats of Aeonar with her. With Lily gone, that left the young elven mage alone in the dungeon. It was only a matter of time before they came for her as well.

Heavy footsteps on stone floors approached her and Kaliana was wrenched from her thoughts. They stopped outside her cell, but she wouldn't look at them. Instead she breathed deep and braced herself for another interrogation.

The key clinked in the lock and the door swung open with a loud creak. A Templar kneeled down and brushed knotted hair away from her bruised face. Kaliana just stared at his boots.

"Get up, girl." The Templar demanded.

Kaliana didn't move, she couldn't find the will to comply.

"Now!" he demanded again.

Kaliana forced her hands underneath herself and pushed. She successfully got herself into a sitting position, but nothing more. Finally looking at the Templars in her cell she realized it was Knight-Commander Greagoir kneeling before her and Cullen behind him.

Greagoir grabbed her chin, and Kaliana winced at the touch. He moved her head side to side, examining her injuries.

"Fernald definitely didn't hold back with her," Greagoir grumbled.

"He went too far," Cullen tried to hide the anger in his voice.

"She may not survive the Rite of Tranquility in this state," Greagoir sighed, speaking as if Kaliana couldn't hear him.

Cullen came to her defense, "is it really necessary? Hasn't she suffered enough for her role in this?"

Greagoir stood and left the cell, "a blood mage is loose, Rutherford. You are young and have not seen what horrible things these mages are capable of. Trust me when I say I am doing what is best for everyone involved. I will send a healer to her, but she will become tranquil tomorrow." Greagoir locked the cell and left Cullen to his thoughts.

"Cullen," Kaliana called to him, her voice little more than whisper.

"Yes, Kali," Cullen breathed.

"Do you… forgive me?" a single tear rolled down her cheek.

He didn't reply, instead he reached through the bars of her cell towards her. Kaliana took his hand and leaned up against the bars. Cullen gently wiped away the tears from her cheek.

"Tell me what happened," Cullen needed to hear it from her. He needed to know her side of the story.

Taking a deep rickety breath Kaliana began her story. "Jowan came to me after we returned from Denerim, and asked me to help him and Lily escape the tower. They said Jowan was going to be made tranquil because the Templars had found out about their relationship. I swear I didn't know he was practicing blood magic, and I don't believe Lily did either.

"I helped him get to the phylactery storage and destroy his phylactery. He asked me to go with him, but I refused… I just wanted to help my friend. I swear I didn't know about the blood magic." Kaliana couldn't hold in her tears that now flowed freely. "How could I not help my friend who I thought was only guilty of something I have done myself?"

Cullen looked at her, tears streaming down her dirty face her forehead resting on the bars of the cell. Her lip was torn and scabbed over, a long cut traced the curve of her face near her swollen eye. Her once vibrant auburn curls were now matted and limp. Those bright eyes that had once captured his heart were dull, as if completely devoid of life.

Seeing her in such a state was almost too much for Cullen. She was broken and tossed aside by those who were supposed to have cared for her.

"I-I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It is not your fault," Cullen soothed.

Kaliana gained control over her tears. "They're going to make me tranquil tomorrow," she stated simply.

Cullen hesitated, but decided there was no point in lying to her. "They are, yes. The forces from Ostegar returned yesterday."

"Will you be there?" she looked into his eyes.

"I-I don't know."

"I understand if you don't want to be, but I would like it if you were."

"I…" he paused, "will try."

"I'm scared."

"I know."

They were interrupted by the healer's arrival. Greagoir had sent Wynne, one the circle's most respected healers. Kaliana had only met her a few times, but she remembered her as a kind woman.

"Excuse me good Ser knight," she said kindly, "but Knight Commander Greagoir desires your assistance upstairs."

"O-of course," Cullen stuttered like a guilty child. He got up briskly and left Wynne to her work. He glanced behind sadly catching Kaliana's gaze before returning to the Knight-Commander.

Wynne got to work healing Kaliana's wounds. It seamed like she lay on that mat for hours, but when Wynne had finished her work Kaliana felt the difference. Her swollen eye had receded; the only evidence it had happened was a purple bruise. The pain in her arms and abdomen was now little more than a distant ache. The cut on her temple had healed, but a scar would remain to remind her of the ordeal.

"Can you stand?" the old healer asked her.

"I think so," and for the first time in days Kaliana stood on her own.

"Wynne!" A young woman was sprinting down the hall towards them. "Wynne! Please come quickly," she panted upon reaching them. "Uldred! Blood magic!" she sputtered unable to find words.

"Calm down, my dear," Wynne urged. "Take a deep breath and tell me what happened."

The girl breathed deeply bracing herself. "Uldred and some of the other mages are attacking templars with blood magic. The tower is flooded with abominations and demons. I watched them attack another mage who wouldn't join them."

"Has he gone mad?" Wynne exclaimed. "He will get everyone killed!" She turned to Kaliana unsure of what to do.

"Please don't leave me here," Kaliana knew her chances were slim to none if anyone found her down here.

Wynne nodded, "come with us, child."

"But she is supposed to stay locked up!" the other mage pointed out.

"Yes, but if what you're saying in true then she is now a defenseless target for both blood mage and Templar. We can't leave her here."

The girl didn't like the idea, but she trusted her elder's judgment.

Above them the tower was in complete chaos. Blood mages attacked Templars left and right. The Templars were outnumbered ten to one and many of them fell to the revolt within the first hour of the attack. Their remaining forces retreated to the main hall near the entrance, leaving everyone else at the mercy of the blood mages.

Wynne led Kaliana and the other mage girl, who Kaliana now knew as Jennah, to search for survivors. As they the first floor corridor they were met by several abominations. Had Kaliana been at full strength perhaps they could have save more, but they were quickly overwhelmed. They were forced to retreat to outside the main hall. Wynne constructed a powerful barrier to keep out the horde, but they were now essentially trapped in that room.

Fortunately, they were successful in rounding up most of the younger apprentices before putting up the barrier. Several other mages had joined them in their small sanctuary. All in all, there were probably twenty survivors, with a majority under the age of fifteen.

After seeing to everyone and assessing the situation did Wynne finally rest. Kaliana watched her as she finally sat down, then slump over.

"Wynne!" Kaliana rushed over to her. Helping her lay down, Kaliana examined the old mage's condition. Her right side had been badly maimed, most likely by an abomination. The wound wasn't large, but it was deep. Kaliana was surprised the woman had been able to keep going as she had.

Jennah and the older mages took charge of Wynne's care, all but shoving Kaliana aside. They didn't trust her and it was obvious.

"Miss Kali," a young apprentice boy tugged on her skirt, "is she going to be okay?"

"Yes, Thomas," she assured him, "everything will be fine." Deep down Kaliana wasn't sure. Behind the locked doors were Templars planning to take back the tower by any means necessary and beyond the barrier were demons and mages who would sooner see the tower burn than surrender. They were caught between them, in limbo, waiting to see who struck the first match.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello Dear Readers!**

 **Yet another chapter for you all. I really hope you are enjoying it! Please leave me a review, I want to know what you think of it so far.**

 **This chapter is a bit longer, but it's not too bad I think. Anyways, as always I hope you enjoy it!**

 **Russianbear27**

* * *

Chapter 8

They spent an agonizing three days trapped, waiting for the Templars open the doors and retake the tower. At first it was unclear if Wynne would make it through the first night. Somehow, the old healer not only pulled through, but regained a lot of her strength.

Jennah and the other mages had taken to her care the first night, leaving Kaliana to look after the children for the most part. Which Kaliana didn't too much, she knew the younger apprentices well having only recently become a full mage herself. They also didn't silently judge her and accuse her of aiding a blood mage. Instead, she kept them entertained with stories she knew from her books. The youngest girl, Lena, had taken to combing Kaliana's tangled hair while she told her tales.

Kaliana had yet to decide whether was divine providence or dumb luck that had tossed her into this chaotic mess and avoided tranquility. At least for time being. Regardless, for now she still had her mind, but try as she may she couldn't keep the thoughts of Cullen out. She hoped he was with the other Templars in the main hall. Yet, the thoughts of him being trapped somewhere on the other side of the barrier were inescapable.

The forth morning was particularly difficult. They were out of food and the children were hungry. Jennah and the other mages argued over what to do. They were so wound up in what they were doing they didn't noticed when the door from the main hall opened and four strangers entered. Only when the great door closed with a heavy thud did they finally take notice.

No one said anything for a moment. The mages stared in amazement at their visitors as if they were from another planet. The strangers seemed to be surprised to see them as well.

"Well, this is awkward," a blonde warrior broke the silence.

A woman, with twin daggers on her back, sighed at his remark. "What's going on here?" she asked. Kaliana could tell she was clearly the leader of the group. Her chestnut hair was tied in a neat bun in an attempt to keep it out of her face, but a few strands hung loosely framing her graceful features. The young woman's blue eyes immediately found Wynne who greeted her with an explanation.

Her name was Felicity Cousland, and she was a Grey Warden. Her male companion was also a Grey Warden, and they had come to seek the help of the mages against the blight. Only they had arrived to find the tower in complete hysteria.

While the woman spoke to Wynne, Kaliana examined the rest of the party. There was a woman with short red hair and bow. As she looked about the room, her eyes seemed to miss nothing. She smiled at Kaliana when their eyes met, and Kaliana quickly turned away a bit embarrassed. The man on the other hand seemed to just be following along. He seemed strong, but Kaliana saw how he looked to the woman with daggers. Almost like a lost puppy. Speaking of puppies, their final companion was not a person, but in fact a mabari hound, who stuck close to his mistress. All and all, it was not the rescue team Kaliana had imagined.

Wynne was preparing to guide the group through the tower, and Kaliana knew this was the only chance she would get.

"Please," Kaliana approached their leader, "take me with you. I've studied demons and fade magic. I can help."

The woman looked to Wynne who neither objected nor accepted Kaliana's offer. The rogue looked over her carefully. "We don't know what we'll face out there. Are you ready to defend yourself?"

"Yes," Kaliana said with a newfound confidence.

"Alistair? Leliana?" she looked to her companions.

"We could use all the help we can get," Alistair, the warrior, replied.

Leliana looked her over, sizing her up. Her eyes seemed to be crawling all over her body, Kaliana could feel them. "I think she could prove to be helpful," she spoke with the prominent accent of Orlais. The archer smiled at her once again.

"Shall we head out then, if this is settled?" Wynne smiled warmly, handing Kaliana a spare staff.

Wynne's smile quickly faded as they passed beyond the barrier. Bodies were scattered about, many of them young apprentices. Templars lay next to mages, cut down in the heat of battle. There was blood on the walls, and everything was in a state of complete disarray. Kaliana could hardly contain herself, and had to cover her mouth with her hand to stifle a cry. Thankfully, Cullen was not among the fallen. Yet, there was no time to morn, demons were upon them as soon they opened the door to the hall.

Kaliana was still weakened by her time in the dungeons, but her mana had returned to her. They made quick work of the first wave of demons, but Kaliana found it difficult to attack the blood mages. At first she hung back and provided barriers for the others as protection. Until they got to the second level.

They stumbled upon a room of about six malificar. The last blood mage came up behind Kaliana, and was about to strike her down, but Felicity stopped them with her daggers.

"Thank you," Kaliana couldn't find any other words to express her gratitude.

Felicity looked at her, a bit smugly. "You've never experienced anything like this, have you?"

Kaliana shook her head and looked away. Seeing the corpses of her fellow mages and friends was not something she had ever experienced.

The rouge's face softened, "look, there nothing I can say to make this easier. You just need to keep moving, and you need to remember that you never show mercy to those who will not be merciful."

She left Kaliana to think on that for a moment. Kaliana stared at the mage who lay in his own blood, cold dead eyes staring up at her. She remembered his name was Marken. He tended the herbs for potions, and was well loved by his friends. How could he have attacked her with such coldness? She guessed it really didn't matter in the end. People will do anything to get what they want, even turn on their friends. She rejoined the group, but she didn't think she would be able to forget those eyes.

They made steady progress through the tower, nearing the harrowing chamber where Uldred waited. They opened the door to the stairwell chamber to head up to the upper levels, and they were stopped dead in their tracks. A powerful sloth demon stood before them. A big hulking mass of flesh stared back at them. One eye had been completely covered by overgrown skin and bone. Leaving one sickly yellow eye staring at them. Kaliana could already feel its pull clawing at the back of her mind.

"Ah, what do we have here?" the demon droned in a low monotone.

"You must resist him!" Wynne called as they all began to feel to pull of the demon's control over them.

"Why don't you stay and rest here? You must be tired," he grumbled hypnotically.

"I-I'm so tired," Alistair was the first to succumb and the others quickly followed suit. Leaving Kaliana standing alone.

"You must be spirited to resist me as you have," the demon noted.

"I will not fall to you foul beast," Kaliana hissed through gritted teeth. Her years of training to block out demons were paying off. Though it was much more exhausting in reality than theory.

The demon laughed, a gravely heaving sound, "curious." He looked her over, unsure what to make of her, "none are able to resist, all fall in time. Sleep…"

Kaliana found her legs giving out beneath her and everything went dark. She felt like she was falling eternally inward.

* * *

Suddenly her eyes snapped open, she sat up and looked around. A thick quilt covered her legs, she threw it off and jumped out of the bed she found herself in. The tower was gone, instead she found herself in a small cottage. Light streamed through a little window that over looked a field of flowers and a distant lake. It was like one her dreams… just like her dreams. She was in the fade.

As soon as she realized this the front door of the cottage swung open. A little boy burst through the threshold and a man followed just behind him.

"Mama!" the boy squealed and jumped into her arms. His blonde hair was a mess, his clothes dirty from a day exploration and play.

Kaliana looked up from the boy to the man stepping inside. "You're finally awake, my love," Cullen's voice nearly melted her heart, but she couldn't let down her defenses. This wasn't real.

"I have to go," Kaliana said, even though all she wanted to do was stay.

Cullen looked at her, confused, "why? You could at least stay for breakfast."

"No, I must go now," Kaliana moved for the door, but Cullen stopped her.

"I think you really should stay," his eyes were a dark muddy brown. This was not her Templar. "You wouldn't want to hurt our dear son's feelings would you?"

The boy looked up at her with big doe eyes, "where are you going mama? Why won't you stay with me?"

"Because you're not real," Kaliana choked out, "none of this is real." It was almost physically painful for her to admit it.

"What?" the boy's eyes filled with tears, "I am real! Stay with me!"

"I can't…" Kaliana's heart was breaking, a part of her wanted to believe this was her son.

"Stay," the thing pretending to be Cullen hissed. Kaliana watched as it transformed into a desire demon. The boy and cottage disappeared around them, leaving them in a dark twisted forest.

"I would love for you to stay with me," the demon declared, "I can give you all you desire."

"And possess me, forever trapping me here," Kaliana snapped. "No, thank you."

"Is that so bad?" it hummed. "Having your every want and whim tended to? To always be with _your Templar_." The demon loved to play on a mortal's weaknesses. Exploiting their greatest desires.

"I think I'll take my chances." Before the demon could reply Kaliana unleashed a wave of lightning.

The demon fired back, but Kaliana easily dodged it. She cast another assault of lightning, striking the demon in the chest. It crumpled to the ground. Desire demons were notoriously vulnerable to lightning and nature magic.

All the demon's illusions faded away, leaving Kaliana in the drab empty valleys of the fade. Now she just needed to find her way out of here.

"Well I see you don't need my help," a woman approached her.

"Felicity?" Kaliana asked cautiously.

"In the flesh… well not really. Anyway, I'm glad you were able to work your way out of that one. The others were hard enough to talk sense into."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," she knew there was no point in trying to explain now. She had just spent what felt like hours, running through the fade freeing her trapped companions from the clutches of various demons. That and shape shifting into various forms in order to overcome ridiculous obstacles and it just kept getting weirder.

Even if Felicity had wanted to explain, there wasn't enough time. Kaliana could already feel the pull of reality. She was waking up, and the image of Felicity slowly faded away.

* * *

Upon waking, Kaliana rolled over slowly and got to her feet. The sloth demon watched with great interest as she did.

"Who are you?" it grumbled, confused.

"Someone who will not show you mercy," Kaliana called upon the magic deep within her and set the demon ablaze with blue-white fire. Something she had never been able to do before.

The demon screamed out in agony, but found it could not escape its fate and crumpled to the ground. Her companions rose from their sleep a few minutes later, in time to see the last moments of the demon barbeque.

"What just happened?" Leliana asked no one in particular.

"I was having the most incredible dream," Alistair exclaimed coming around.

"We should keep moving," Felicity suggest. "Is everyone alright?"

Everyone chimed in their affirmations, except for Kaliana who just watched the sloth demon crumble to ash. Felicity approached a body that no one seemed to have noticed before. A young man lay motionless on the floor his open eyes were lifeless. The rouge gently retrieved a scroll from the young man's grasp, the Litany of Adralla. The only known defense against blood magic and mind domination, and most likely used to keep Kaliana out of the fade during her time in the dungeon.

With the Litany in hand, the rag tag group headed up to the final level to face Uldred. Kaliana felt weaker with every step she took up the stairs. Her encounter with the sloth demon left her completely drained. Fighting off the shades and malificar, was more taxing than Kaliana was willing to admit. Yet, she pressed on. Maybe if they retook the tower they would spare her tranquility, though deep down she knew that was unlikely.

They finally made it to the finally stairwell before the Harrowing chamber. Felicity opened the door to the chamber, and they filed in. It was an open antechamber that led to the staircase, but on the far was a strange blue barrier. Behind it was a kneeling Templar, desperately muttering prayers. Kaliana entered last and due to her height she was unable to clearly see who it was.

Pressing her way through the group, she finally saw who was trapped there. Cullen. She rushed to the side of the barrier, and placed her hand against it. Pain shot through her arm upon contact, causing her to yelp and pull her hand back.

"I will not break," he muttered refusing to look at them. "You will not take me demon."

"Cullen!" Kaliana called to him.

His head snapped up looking at her, eyes wide with a mix of fear and determination. "You will not break me! I will not be deceived. I will not yield. Always toying with me, with the one thing I can never have. I will not be deceived. I will not yield." He was repeating himself. Trying to will away the atrocities he had witnessed.

"Cullen," Kaliana pleaded, "look at me. It is me. Remember what I told you about demons? There is always a flaw."

Cullen eyed her suspiciously. "Show me your hands," he demanded harshly.

Kaliana raised them, slowly, showing both sides. Somehow this seemed to convince him.

"Kali?" he asked.

"Yes, it's me. What happened here, Cullen?" Kaliana asked.

Cullen got to his feet, unsure of where to begin. "They t-tortured me. Turned the others into those t-things, those abominations. One by one they t-took them away. They tried to turn me, but I resisted. I am the last."

"How many are there," Felicity asked.

"Too many for you to take on." Cullen spat, "Uldred and the rest of his abominations are too strong. You must tell Knight-Commander Greagoir to invoke the Rite of Annulment!"

Kaliana looked at him like she didn't know him. "What?"

"The tower must be purged. There are too many malificar. There is no telling who they are, you cannot show them mercy!"

"How can you say that?" Kaliana demanded, "First Enchanter Irving is in there! He can fix this!"

"This is beyond fixing Kali!" Cullen's eyes were wild, "You… didn't see what they did."

Alistair leaned forward and spoke softly to Kaliana, "he's been through a lot. He's not thinking clearly right now. He may not be the same man again." The sadness in Alistair's voice was apparent, and Kaliana could tell he knew what he was talking about.

"We need to take Uldred down now if we are to save the Circle," Felicity urged. "We need to keep moving."

"Go on without me," Kaliana replied. "I will stay here and see what I can do about this barrier."

"Are you sure?" the rogue asked.

"Yes, you are more than capable of handling Uldred with the Litany... and I can't fight any more." Kaliana was telling the truth. It was as if her bones where going to give way beneath her.

They headed on towards the stairs, leaving Kaliana alone with Cullen. Leliana gave her a last knowing look before joining the rest of them.

"Stand back, Cullen," Kaliana commanded. "This barrier was cast with blood magic, taking it down will not be easy."

Cullen moved back against the wall, and Kaliana closed her eyes in concentration. There was a hum of energy as Kaliana gathered strength from the fade, and sharp snap as the barrier disappeared.

Kaliana fell to her knees, panting from the exerted energy. Yet, Cullen did not go to her. Only stared at her from the wall. Slowly he approached her, as if she were a timed bomb ready go off.

"What's wrong?" Kaliana asked.

"I saw you, time and time again. The demons used you against me," he sat down a few feet away from her. "I saw so many horrible things. I saw my comrades being turned into abominations devoured by their own desires. Every time I saw you, I wanted to believe, I wanted it to be you. Yet the demons could never get your hands right. They were always this withered claws with sharp nails."

Kaliana moved closer to him, reached out to assure him it was okay, but he recoiled at her touch. He was afraid of her.

"Cullen…" Kaliana began.

"The malificar, they were horrible. I watched them in their twisted rights. They tortured me for days. Those mages were monsters." He was quiet for a moment. "You're one of _them_!" Cullen suddenly raged. "I will not be deceived!"

Cullen had completely lost it. Unable to distinguish blood mage from mage, he couldn't keep himself together. He lunged at her, but Kaliana was too quick, the elven girl made a break for the door slamming it behind her.

"You will not escape me, malificar!" Cullen screamed, pounding on the door.

Kaliana's heart seemed to snap inside her as he raged. How could he do this? She realized there was nothing left for her here. The only thing tying her to the Circle was lost to her. She knew it was time to go. She sprinted down the hall fully expecting Cullen to come clambering after her. It wasn't until she reached the stairs to the lower levels did she turn back to see that he had not followed suit.

Instead, Cullen lay on the stone floor trying to find the pieces of his heart and mind that had been scattered to the wind. He was alone now, and unsure if he would ever be able to put himself back together.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello again!**

 **This story has really taken off in my mind and I'm really enjoying writing it. I hope you're enjoying reading it as well! Well, there are some familiar faces in this chapter.**

 **Again, leave me a review! I like to hear from my readers. Also, a big shout out to DalishEssence and Marika Haliwell. Thank you for your reviews and comments. They made my day. :)**

 **RussianBear27**

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Chapter 9

The sun was setting as Kaliana slipped out onto the shores of Lake Calenhad. The entrance used for delivery of supplies was unguarded, as she hoped it would be. She stepped to a small rowboat, a small sack of scavenged supplies slung over her shoulder. They wouldn't last her very long. Fortunately she was able to swipe a coin purse with enough to get her going.

As to where she was head, she had no idea. Denerim was out of the question. The Templars were sure to look for her there, and Kaliana knew her presence would only endanger her family. For now it didn't matter, getting as far away from Kinloch Hold was her only priority.

If there was anything Kaliana had to be grateful for out this calamity, it was the destruction of the phylacteries. The storeroom was one of the first to be raided by the rebelling mages. If the Templars were to come after her, they would have to hunt her down without the aid of her phylactery.

Darkness descended as Kaliana reached the far shore. Her arms ached from the rowing, but she was finally out. She looked back to the tower across the lake, the only home she had known for the last thirteen years. It loomed over lake, the last purplish rays of the sun weakly illuminated it. It was odd how peaceful it look, when inside it a veritable house of horrors. A gilded cage destroyed by those it was supposed to shelter and protect.

There was no going back now. There was no going back to the life she had, to the simple days of reading and innocence. What she had, who she was, it was all gone. Even Cullen. Part of her wondered how she could have been foolish enough to hope they could have had something.

She turned away and headed down a new path. Leaving the smoldering tower behind her.

Kaliana headed north. Having no set destination left her with more options than she had ever had. North seemed as good a direction as any. She walked for hours, keeping away from the Imperial Highway as best she could. She walked until she felt she could go no further and found a place to rest.

A small grove of trees provided cover from any passerby's, or so Kaliana hoped. She had nothing to sleep on, no blanket to keep her warm, but she didn't care. She collapsed exhausted beneath a great oak tree. Using her meager bag of provisions as the world's worst pillow, she was asleep within seconds of closing her eyes.

The chirping of songbirds woke her the following morning. The sun's rays streamed through the canopy of the oak's branches. Opening her eyes, Kaliana nearly panicked finding herself in middle of nowhere. Then the memories flooded back, like a nightmare she could never forget.

Gathering her few possessions, Kaliana continued on. Everything ached from sleeping on the cold ground. But she couldn't stop now. The Templars could be coming after her and getting as far away as possible was her only option. All was well until she reached a bridged river crossing.

Five well-armed men stood idle on the bridge, waiting for the desperate traveler to come their way. Keeping her head down, she hoped somehow she could just walk past ignored. Of course nothing could ever be that simple.

"Look what we have here boys," the biggest of the men called, "another refugee."

Kaliana tried to push past him, but he held her back.

"Where do you think you're going miss? At least I think you're a woman under all that dirt!" Another jeered.

"Please just let me by," Kaliana wouldn't look at them, she simply stared at the ground.

The men laughed. "Well, of course you can cross our bridge! You just have to pay the toll like everyone else," the big man smirked.

"I don't have any money," Kaliana pleaded. She was not willing to part with what little coin she had for a stupid bridge.

"That's alright love," the man smiled, "I'm sure we can work out some other form of payment." He reached out to stroke her cheek. She slapped his hand away, glaring at him, but his menacing smile remained.

The other men surround her, there was nowhere for her to run. One grabbed her by the wrist. She tried to pull away, but he was too strong. She screamed as he pulled her in, spun her around, and threw her to the ground. They converge on her grabbing at her robes, ripping them to shreds.

"Hey!" Someone yelled out, "leave her alone!"

Another band of refugees were head towards them. Lead by a man with the biggest great sword Kaliana had ever seen, he was accompanied by three other women. Two of which seemed as ready for battle as he did.

"What should we do, boss?" one of the goons asked.

"We take care of them!" the man commanded.

Kaliana's harassers didn't stand a chance against these refugees. The man with the great sword cut through the first man like it was nothing. One of the women was a mage who froze an attacker in their tracks, while the other cut them down with her long sword. Her mysterious savior cut down another of the armed ruffians in a flash of steel and blood. The two remaining men looked to each other realizing there would be no winning this fight. They fled, leaving their companions to bleed out in the dirt.

"Are you alright?" the oldest woman approached her. Her hair was greying and wild from their travels, but her eyes were kind.

"I'm fine," Kaliana backed away, not ready to trust another person on the road.

"What is you're name?" she asked gently.

Kaliana looked at them, they waited patiently for her answer. "Kaliana," she said finally, "but people call me Kali."

"My name is Leandra. These are my children Garrett and Bethany," she motioned to the mage and the man with the great sword. "This is our friend, Aveline," she referred to the woman with the sword and Templar shield.

After introductions, Kaliana thanked them for coming to her aid. She expected they would continue on their way having completed their good deed for the day, but it seemed Leandra was a candidate for sainthood. The matriarch would not consider leaving her behind, instead insisted she join them. Travelling alone was dangerous, after all.

They travelled up the river for a ways, and then stopped for a small meal. There wasn't much, only what the group had been able to barter for in the previous town. Though anything was better than the stale bread Kaliana had eaten that morning.

After there lunch Bethany beckoned Kaliana to join her by the river, out of sight of the others. When Kaliana nervously asked what this was all about, Bethany smiled and reached into her pack retrieving a small bar of soap.

"I was saving this for later, but I thought you would appreciate it more. I also have an extra set of robes, if you're interested," she offered.

Kaliana knew she must have been a disaster. She hadn't bathed since before the insanity with Jowen, which was weeks ago now. Her blue robes were in shreds and barely holding together. Her hair was completely different story. It would take a miracle to save it. Deep down, Kaliana knew it would probably be best to cut it anyway. Kaliana graciously accepted Bethany's offer.

Bethany turned to leave and gave Kaliana some privacy. The river water was freezing, but Kaliana didn't care. She scrubbed every last inch of herself as if she could somehow wash away all everything she'd been through. Carefully she redressed in the robes Bethany had lent her, feeling like a new woman. The robes were too big for her small elven frame, but they would do. There was nothing to be done with her hair, but to tie it back in a messy bun. She would deal with that mess later.

Returning to the others, they had packed up their few belongings and were ready to get back on the road. Garrett explained they were headed to Highever, and then onto Kirkwall. Their home village of Lothering had been completely destroyed by the darkspawn. Bethany took great joy in the retelling of their escape from the south, though Kaliana found it rather hard to believe it all. An ancient witch of the wilds transforming from a grand dragon to grant them safe passage north, it was a bit hard to believe. Though it didn't really matter.

"You're an apostate," Kaliana pointed out while speaking with Bethany.

"I am," Bethany replied, her tone defensive.

"I suppose I am now too," Kaliana confessed.

"Oh wonderful," Aveline's voice chimed in, "another apostate."

Bethany ignored her, looking Kaliana over, "you were a circle mage? What are you doing out here?"

Kaliana swallowed and decided to giver her the short version of her tale. "I was betrayed by my best friend. He came to me for help and I trusted him. He turned out to be a malificar, and he fled the tower. They were going to punish me for helping him." She took a deep breath, "they were going to make me tranquil."

Bethany was as fascinated with Kaliana's tale as much as Kali had been with hers. "How did you escape?"

"There was a rebellion among the other mages while I was locked away. I managed to escape during all the chaos." Kaliana willfully omitted the rest of her story. They didn't need to know what happened. How Cullen and the others had been driven mad. She could still see his eyes, they were so full of hate and fear. A single tear escaped thinking about it.

"Are you okay?" Bethany asked.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry, it's just been… overwhelming."

"Don't be sorry," Garrett assured her. "We've all been through a lot."

* * *

They didn't spend much time in Highever. As soon as Garrett secured them passage, they were on a ship and headed towards Kirkwall. The voyage was long and everyone on board was on edge, all having escaped the ravages of the oncoming blight. Though, Kaliana took comfort in her new friends.

Aveline was a bit standoffish at first, but eventually warmed up to the elven mage. She told Kali about her husband Wesley, who had been a Templar in Lothering. He perished during their escape, but Aveline kept his shield. She told her it was if Wesley were still protecting her in a way. The shield was never more than arms length away from her at all times.

"It's silly, I know," Aveline lamented over the shield.

"No," Kaliana assured her, "it's not." The mage understood the keeping of such mementos. She still wore the necklace Cullen gave to her. It seemed like a lifetime ago, that night beneath the stars. The likelihood of them ever meeting again seemed slim to none, but Kaliana still hoped he found peace. She knew her heart would never be the same and moving on was not an easy task.

Somehow, during their voyage Bethany procured a pair of scissors. Bethany spent a good hour slicing through Kaliana's wild mane. The end result was a much more manageable uneven style. She cut one side and the back very close to her head, but left a good length on the opposite side that reached her jawline.

"Do you like it?" Bethany asked as they looked at her reflection in Leandra's small pocket mirror.

Kaliana hadn't seen her reflection in months. Spending a few moments to take in her reflection, Kaliana was surprised by her appearance. A scar ran from her temple to below her left eye, giving the appearance of a crescent moon. Her cheeks were a bit more gaunt than she remembered, but her blue-green eyes were as bright as always.

"I love it," Kaliana finally announced having examined her hair.

Bethany squealed with the delight of an excited child, even if they were both the same age. Kaliana liked that about her. She always seemed to find the brighter side of thing, even in such dark times.

Then there was Garrett. His only objective seemed to be the safety of his family. Keeping everyone safe and together was all that mattered to him at the moment. The death of his younger brother seemed to be hitting him hard. He kept mostly to himself for most of the journey, but Kaliana enjoyed the time she spent talking to him.

It seemed she couldn't have found a better man to be rescued by. The majority of his life he had spent protecting his sister from the Templars. A job that took on new meaning after his father passed away a few years back. In many ways Garrett reminded her of Cullen. Always looking out for those who could not. An idealist, who would always lend a hand, or sword, if the occasion called for it.

When Kaliana left the circle tower, she had no idea where she was going or how she would get there. Now she was on a ship heading into harbor in Kirkwall. Somewhere she could start over, and begin again. Her companions had already proven their worth to her. For once, she found herself looking forward to the future, blissfully unaware of the danger just beyond the horizon.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello Again!**

 **Here's the latest addition. I thought it was time we'd check in with deal ol' Cullen. Again, please don't be shy and leave me a review. I love reading them. Another big thank you to DalishEssence and Marika Haliwell for your comments! They really do make a difference.**

 **RussianBear27**

* * *

Chapter 10

Rebuilding the tower was not an easy task, especially with an approaching horde of darkspawn. The tower was in ruins and nothing was being done about the mages, at least in Cullen's mind.

The wardens had taken out the blood mages' leader Uldred and saved First Enchanter Irving, but it wasn't enough. The Wardens had deemed the Rite of Annulment unnecessary, but what did they know? Every mage in the tower was a threat, a potential abomination lying in wait. He could feel their eyes on him, as if waiting for their time to strike. Leaving Cullen constantly on edge. Constantly waiting for the attack that would surely come from the shadows.

Then there were the nightmares. Every night they would crawl into his head, like spiders, wreaking havoc on his mind. He would see such horrible things, his dead comrades around him, the bodies of the apprentices and mages turned into abominations. In his dreams they would rise up and attack him, but no matter how hard he fought or how far he ran, they would overtake him. Uldred's inhuman eyes still haunted him at night, burning the same as they did the day took over the tower.

Though the worst part, which Cullen wouldn't admit even to himself, was seeing her. It was as if he caught glimpses of her everywhere. He would see her out of the corner of his eye, but when he turned she was gone. Her room in the Library was emptied and all of her things disposed of. Sometimes he would see her slip inside, but when Cullen followed he'd find only an empty cold room gathering dust. It was like a never ending game of hide and seek leaving Cullen feeling as if he were completely mad.

He had attacked her, called her a maleficar. Try as he may to justify himself, he knew she didn't deserve it. He had stood by while they locked her away and did nothing while they tortured her for weeks. Still she came back for him. She returned to him at his lowest and how did he repay her? Accused her of blood magic and condemned her. Cullen would never forget that look of fear as he lunged at her. Anything they had before then meant nothing in that moment, the only thing he had in his heart was fear and anger. So she ran.

It was only after he regained himself did he realize what he had done. He lost control and almost destroyed the only thing in the world that mattered to him. Yet, somehow the Templars saw it fit to reward Cullen for his service. He was promoted to Knight-Captain of the Kirkwall Templars.

Throwing himself into work was the only thing that seemed to help. It kept his mind off the horrors he witnessed and gave him an outlet. He had devoted his life to the Templars and he would continue that dedication with a newfound discipline.

Ferelden had defeated the blight thanks to the new inaugurated Warden King and Queen, the same Wardens that had rescued the tower months before. A few weeks later Cullen was in Kirkwall, serving as the Templar Knight-Captain.

For the first time in a long time Cullen felt he could do some good. Knight-Commander Meredith was a strict woman and Kirkwall's mages were kept under careful watch and control. A change that Cullen welcomed. After the disaster in Kinloch, it was good to see someone willing to do what was necessary to protect the city, and the mages themselves, from the temptations of power that came with magic.

Even as Cullen settled into his new position, he still felt something was missing. What it was, he didn't know, but the nightmares continued. Sometimes he still saw her, a smiling face in the crowded city that would promptly disappear as soon as he noticed her.

* * *

Kali answered the door of her little abode in the alienage. It was Hawke and Varric, again.

"I found us some work, Red," Varric enjoyed his nickname for her. In fact the dwarf enjoyed giving nicknames to everyone in his circle of friends.

"Is it legitimate work?" Kali thought it was rather sad she had to ask.

Varric laughed, "it is! It's a Templar matter we've been asked to look into."

Kali looked to Garrett. The man hadn't changed much this past year in Kirkwall. He was still the massive raven-haired warrior that Kali had come to know. She on the other hand was not the defenseless mage she had been when they came to her rescue so long ago. Kali preferred to keep her hair short now, and changed its style rather frequently. A process Bethany was always happy to assist with. Her pointed ears had also gained several hoops and earrings.

In addition to physical appearance, Kali had picked up quite a few skills. Bethany and Garrett took it upon themselves to help with her combat skills. Bethany handled the magical aspects, while Garrett handled the physical. She could easily dispatch an attacker even without the aid of magic, using her staff as a weapon as well as catalyst for her powers. The little elven woman was now a force to be reckoned with, and could easily handle herself in the rough city slums.

"Templars, Garrett?" Kali hadn't run into any trouble with the Templars so far, but she didn't want to start now. Her anonymity was her greatest defense. She could walk the length of the Gallows and not turn the head of a single Templar. Still, she preferred to keep her distance.

"Come on Kali," Garrett urged, "we almost have enough coin for the expedition. I could really use your help on this one."

Kali sighed, she couldn't deny her friend anything it seemed. "Fine," she relented, "but you're doing the talking."

"Of course," Garrett agreed.

Kali gathered her things and joined Hawke and Varric on their venture to the Gallows. Along the way they met up with Aveline, completing their little adventurous party.

The bright sun always seemed to contrast the dreariness that was the Gallows. Everyone always seemed to be depressed there, which wasn't completely unexpected in a placed called, "The Gallows." All the same, everyone seemed to be walking around with a little black raincloud over their head.

Upon arriving in the Gallows, a sense of dread immediately set in. Following behind Hawke and the others, Kali saw something that made her stop dead in her tracks. Her stomach seemed to sink into a bottomless pit she didn't know existed.

"You alright, Red?" Varric asked taking notice.

Kali struggled to find words, "I… uh… I-I'm fine." In reality she felt she should just turn tail and run. Yet, her feet wouldn't listen to her head. They just kept on following behind Garrett's massive frame, trying to keep out of sight.

The others eyed her suspiciously, but kept going. Kali just silently prayed they were headed for anywhere besides where she thought they were. Alas, today those prayers would go unheeded as they always did.

"Are you the Knight-Captain?" Garrett asked a blond Templar.

"Yes, I am Knight-Captain Cullen," he replied holding out his hand in greeting.

 _He's Knight-Captain now_ , Kali thought to herself, _moving up in the world_. Kali listened as they spoke of missing Templars, grateful that Garrett was nearly twice her size. Garrett leaned to one side as he asked if there were any leads. Kali was too slow to move behind her human camouflage without Cullen's noticing. _Shit._

Kali looked away, suddenly realizing a newfound interest in the pavement, trying to seem as unconcerned as possible. It was too late, Cullen stopped mid sentence and an awkward silence fell upon them. Part of her head was screaming for her to run while she had the chance, but Kali knew it was too late.

"Kali?" Cullen breathed, a bit uncertain.

Kali's companions were abruptly on edge. The Templar Knight-Captain recognizing your apostate friend was not a good thing. Yet, Cullen wasn't moving to arrest her or call his men. He just stared, as if he couldn't believe she was standing in front of him.

"Hello, Cullen," Kali replied sheepishly. No one said anything. Cullen just stared at her, and Kali's friends looked to each unsure of what to do.

"You were talking about leads Knight-Captain," Garrett interrupted whatever it was going on between them, trying to diffuse the tension.

"Ah, y-yes," Cullen snapped back to reality. Well, sort of. "I, um, interviewed the… c-consorts of the Blooming Rose. T-though none of them were willing to speak to me, um, honestly about the s-situation." He had suddenly reverted to the stuttering fool, betraying the mask of authority he tried to uphold. Cullen turned a bright shade of red with embarrassment.

The Blooming Rose was a well-known brothel and the missing Templars were last seen patronizing the establishment. "T-that would probably be a good place to start your search," Cullen concluded awkwardly.

Garrett wrapped up the conversation as politely as possible, and turned to leave. They were halfway across the courtyard before Cullen finally mustered the courage to call out to her.

"Kali," Cullen caught up to them.

"What?" Kali couldn't tell if he was going to hug her or arrest her. In the end he did neither.

"I, um," he struggled with his words as he did years ago. "It was nice to, um… Well, it is nice to see you." He had meant to do something more, to take her in his arms and apologize for what he had done, but this wasn't the place for that. Her friends were a few paces away, ready for any sign of trouble. The courtyard was also full of the watchful eyes of his fellow Templars. Also, Cullen knew he just didn't have the courage to it. The elven woman who held his heart for so long had hardly spoken three words to him and understandably so.

Kali wasn't sure what to make of his approach. "It was nice to see you too," she said diplomatically and quickly rejoined her friends. They hurried out of the Gallows, Cullen watching them the entire way. He was secretly kicking himself for being such a fool and letting her walk away.

* * *

"Sooooo," Varric broke the silence as soon as they were clear of the Gallows, "what was that all about?"

"What do you mean?" Kali deflected.

"Oh come on, Red! What was that whole thing with the Knight-Captain?" Varric insisted.

"Can we not talk about it right now?" Kali sighed.

"We have to talk about it sometime," Garrett interjected. "We now have the attention of at least one Templar."

"A powerful one at that," Aveline added.

Kali knew Garrett was concerned for her, as well as for his sister Bethany. She just didn't want to have this conversation right now. Her head was reeling and her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest. "I promise I will explain later," Kali said. "I'll meet up with you at the Hanged Man tonight. I just… I need to go home."

Before anyone could stop her, Kali was gone. She nearly ran home. The last year of her life had been devoted to creating something new and leaving her past behind. When she finally felt like she had moved on, she's reminded that the past never changes and never goes away.

Seeing Cullen didn't go the way she expected it to. Then again, she wasn't sure what she expected. The last time she saw him he had accused her of blood magic in a torture-fueled rage. He wasn't the half mad Templar that attacked her, but he also wasn't quite the man she had fallen in love with either. Kali had seen the dark circles under his eye from sleepless nights, and the uncertainty when he saw her. The emotions from a year ago came flooding back in a mess of fear, anger, and passion.

Kali locked her door behind herself when she finally made it home. She paced her small apartment somewhere in between crying and laughing. Slowly the hours passed. Kali packed and unpacked, torn on whether to flee Kirkwall or not. It wasn't until she saw herself in the mirror did she stop her frantic pacing. She still wore the necklace Cullen had given her. The enchanted moon and star that helped keep her safe for all this time. She told herself that she wore it for the useful enchantment. Truthfully, she wore it because Cullen had given it to her. It was the last piece of him she had, the last reminder of the love they shared.

Sitting down, Kali realized it all came down to whether or not she trusted Cullen. The man she had loved wouldn't haul her off to the Circle, or so she believed. A lot of time had passed, and she had changed so much. It remained to be seen how time had changed him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Another chapter for you guys!**

 **I'm not sure when the next one will be. I'm shooting for next week, but I have two five page papers due this week, so we'll see what happens. It's also likely I'll give up writing about Southern Reconstruction and Spanish conquistadors and write more of this. We'll see.**

 **A big thank you to DalishEssence, I always look forward to reading your comments. Also another thank you to Flaminea for your review as well, this chapter may sort things out a bit.**

 **Anyway, thanks again to all my readers. I hope you're enjoying this as much as I am.**

 **RussianBear27**

* * *

Chapter 11

After a few days, the Templars still had not shown up and broken down her door. Kali was fairly confident they had not been alerted to her presence beyond her awkward interaction with Cullen. Though, she may have preferred the Templars to Varric's teasing. The dwarf loved gossip and scandals, and learning of Kali's relationship with Cullen had the dwarf grilling her for details. His requests were met mostly with silence. She was fairly sure Varric would just fill any blanks with his imagination anyway. Kali had sworn him to secrecy; she didn't want this coming back to her or Cullen for that matter

"Hey, Red," Varric called to her as he and Garrett crossed the Hanged Man towards her. "Your boyfriend asked about you."

"What did he say?" Kali spoke a little too quickly, and Varric smiled. "He's not my boyfriend," Kali added.

"Whatever you say," Varric and Garret sat down at her table. "Well, after deemed a recruit unfit for full service for a whole ten years he asked where you were."

"Why would he do that?" Kali was surprised.

"Which part? The recruit or asking about his long lost love?" Varric was truly enjoying himself.

"The recruit, Varric," Kali scowled.

"Now there's a story," Varric began eagerly. "Garrett, Merrill, Aveline, and I finally tracked down the missing Templar recruits out on the Wounded Coast. Lo and behold who we find out there, it's our dear Knight-Captain interrogating a young Templar. He was holding him off the ground and I honestly thought he was going to kill him!"

Kali could hardly believe it. Cullen was many things, but a violent murderer was not one of them. She listened intently as Varric continued. "Hawke stopped him, but to be quite honest we probably should have let him take care of it. As soon as Cullen let the kid go he transformed into a hideous abomination. Lover boy cut him down like it was nothing. I wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley, that's for sure.

"Anyway, we head into the caves where the rest of missing recruits are supposedly being held. We found a horde of blood mages and abominations in there."

"It wasn't a horde, Varric," Garrett interrupted between drinks. "It was more of a pack. You make it sound like there was an army lying in wait."

"All for dramatic effect!" Varric defended his word choice, but continued. "So, we take care of those blood mages, corrupted recruits, and the like. The only survivor was a young Templar recruit, but his name escapes me."

"It was Keran," Garret reminded him.

"Ah, yes Keran. Well, Merrill checked him for any trace of demonic possession and didn't find anything. The Knight-Captain, however, wasn't satisfied with our little test. Hawke was able to negotiate that he would eventually be able to join the order, but only after he didn't show any signs of possession for ten years."

"He's kind of a jerk," Garrett concluded.

"He wasn't always like that," Kali reminded them.

"If it makes any difference, he got all embarrassed again when he asked about you," Varric mused. "He stuttered something about wanting to see you again. After what we saw of him today Garrett told him that he'd let you know, but ultimately it would be up to you if you wanted to see him."

Kali nodded slowly, realizing she had the power in this situation made her a bit uncomfortable. Maybe it was just the thought of seeing him again is what rattled her. He wanted to see her again, after everything.

"I don't know what you did to this guy, Kali," Varric marveled. "You've got a Knight-Captain who reverts to a teenage boy every time he talks about you. He said that he'd meet you by the great tree in the center of the alienage tonight."

"I don't think you should go," Garrett said quietly.

"And why not?" Kali looked at him.

Garret stared at his drink and sighed. "I think he's dangerous, Kali. The man is unstable, and he's a Templar. This whole thing could just be a ruse to take you back to the Circle."

"You don't know him," Kali said.

"And you don't know if he's the same man as before. You told me about what happened in the Tower, no one goes through something like that and comes out the same," Garrett's pleas only seemed to make Kali want to meet with him more.

"I was there, Garrett, I know. I went through it and here I stand," Kali stood up to demonstrate.

"Things like that affect people differently," Garrett was trying to remain calm. "Something in that man snapped, Kali."

"This isn't your decision," Kali made a move to leave.

Garrett stopped her, grabbing her arm. "Please, Kali. Don't go see him." He stopped himself and braced for what he was about to say next. "I care about you," he said gently.

Pulling her arm from him grip, Kali said nothing as she left the pub. Garrett turned to Varric who had been watching their interaction intently.

"I was wondering when you were going to tell her," Varric grinned smugly.

* * *

The dark streets of Kirkwall were home to many dangers. Kali had learned to navigate the streets well and avoided most of the perils that plagued the city. She reached the alienage without any trouble. A lone figure stood near the great tree of alienage. Even in the dimly lit streets Kali could see that the man was uncomfortable in his surrounding and clearly didn't belong there.

She approached silently from behind. Confirming that it was indeed the Knight-Captain out of his Templar armor. Instead he wore plain clothes in an attempt to blend in on the streets. Though his sword and shield marked him as more than just a commoner.

"Cullen?" She called to him.

He jumped at the sound of her voice, turning around to face her. "Kali! Don't scare me like that." She saw that his hand had jumped to the hilt of his long sword. Then she realized she recognized the sword's hilt. It was the blade gifted to him by her sister and her husband. Part of her was happy to see that he had kept it.

"I'm sorry," Kali approached, closing the distance between them. "I just needed to be sure it was you. One can never be too careful on these streets."

Silence fell between them, a rift that neither was sure how to cross. Kali looked at him strangely.

"What is it?" Cullen asked.

"I've just never seen you without your Templar robes," Kali admitted. Cullen looked different without his armor and Templar garb. Even during their time away from the Tower he still wore the robes of his order all the time.

"To be honest, I acquired this ensemble quite recently. Today, in fact." Part of Cullen's discomfort was due to wearing these strange clothes. It felt as if he were missing a part of himself. Being a Templar was part of who he was, it was all that he was. The only time he was willing to push it aside was for her.

"We should probably go inside, the streets aren't safe at night," Kali finally invited.

"Yes, um, of course," Cullen agreed.

Kali lead him to her apartment, which wasn't far from the main square. They travelled in silence, trying to bridge the chasm that had formed between them. Although it was awkward, Kali wasn't uncomfortable. She had missed Cullen's fidgety nervousness. She had missed him.

"Your hair," Cullen tried to break the silence, "it, um, well it suits you."

"Do you like it?" Kali smiled. It was just like the old days in the tower. Cullen was still terrible at flirting, but it seemed he still retained his awkward charm.

"I do, it looks nice." He smiled a bit, but it quickly faded. Those lopsided grins Kali had loved were a rarity now.

They rounded the last corner and finally made it to her humble home. "I'm sorry, it's kind of a mess right now. I wasn't really expecting anyone," she explained as they entered the threshold.

"It's alright," Cullen assured her.

Kali lit the lamps in her apartment, illuminating the small space. Books were scattered everywhere. On the table and chairs, a few bookshelves were crammed to capacity. Otherwise the space was clean, though the building itself was in a moderate state of disrepair.

Clearing a space for them to sit on the worn loveseat, Kali bade Cullen to join her. He sat down next to her and they settled into the tensions of the past. Both wanted to somehow fix this divide, but neither could find the words to do so.

They sat in silence for a long time. Cullen leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees, wringing his hands over and over, trying to find the words to speak to her. He had planned it all out in his head before, but now none of seemed right. There was nothing he could do or say that was enough.

Kali, waited patiently, until she could stand his obvious distress no more. She reached out to his fidgeting hands, and gently took them in her own. It was then that she noticed that he was shaking.

"Cullen?" Kali breathed. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I…"

"Let me get you something to drink," Kali got up, but Cullen stopped her.

"I'm sorry, I just don't know where to start," Cullen hung his head.

Kali sat back down next to him, "you start wherever seems right."

"Nothing about this is right, Kaliana. I've spent the last year trying to figure out to forget everything. I've tried to move on and find new focus, to help people. It just seems anytime I feel like I'm getting somewhere, I'm reminded of my mistakes."

"What do you mean?" Kali urged.

Cullen shook his head gathering his thoughts. "Kinloch showed me that darkness lurks within all of us. It's like it just sits there in wait for you to be at your weakest, so it can destroy everything you care about." Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit that Kali was familiar with. "I'm sorry, Kali, for what I did at Kinloch. Everything I've done since has been to make things right, and to keep people safe. You didn't deserve what I said to you, what I did."

Kali took in his apology, "thank you, Cullen." She held his shaking hand, "I do have some questions, though. If it's alright."

"Of course," Cullen relaxed a bit, having finally gotten that out of the way.

"Even though the phylacteries were destroyed, the Templars would have easily found me. Why didn't anyone come after me?"

"Well, there was a lot to deal with after the incident. Our numbers were greatly diminished, we lot a lot of Templars."

"Still, the Knight-Commander would probably have sent out some to round up the missing mages."

"They did," Cullen admitted, "but they weren't looking for you. I, um, may have put your name on the causality list."

Kali was surprised, "why?"

"I honestly don't know," Cullen confessed. "It was a horrible time and I was in a dark place. In a way you were dead to me." His blunt honesty was a bit jarring. "You were gone, and I don't know... Nothing made any sense then. I just wanted everything to just go back into some semblance of normalcy as quickly as possible. Searching for you would have prolonged the process."

Kali noticed that he left out any personal feelings he may have retained. Though she couldn't tell if it was because he was suppressing them or he felt differently about her now. Though, now wasn't the time to force the issue. "Did they enact the Rite of Annulment?" she asked changing the topic.

"No," Cullen said simply. He wouldn't look at her. "I tried to convince the Knight-Commander it was the best option, but I think he saw that I wasn't in my right mind."

"Do you still think he should have listened to you?" Kali asked cautiously.

"The danger mages pose is very real and everything must be done to safeguard them from themselves," was all Cullen said.

Kali pulled away from him, "you can't safeguard someone who is already dead. You would risk the killing of an innocent to weed out a threat that may not even be there."

"I am willing to do what is necessary to keep those I care about safe," he said coldly.

Kali got to her feet, "what about me, Cullen? What if Knight-Commander Meredith were to waltz in here right now and ordered you to execute me for blood magic or some other nonsense?"

"That would never happen," Cullen stood as well, pacing like a caged lion.

"Why's that?" Kali demanded.

"The Knight-Commander would never order such a thing without a good reason."

"You're avoiding the question," she could tell he was trying to justify his inward reasonings.

Cullen stopped pacing and stared at the wall, "I don't know. I never know with you. Being a Templar has been easy in Kirkwall. Everything is black and white, good and bad, but with you it's different. It has always been different.

"If I disobey, the Order would likely discard me and make my life a living hell. If I do ask I'm commanded, that means I'd murder the love of my life and I don't think I'd be able to live with myself."

Cullen collapsed into a chair, holding his head in his hands. The weight of his words sank in and Kali felt her heart go out to him. What she had asked was unfair, but she needed to hear it from him. She needed to know how far he was willing to go, and if he was willing to cast her aside for the Order. He was a Templar through and through. Duty and faith had gotten him through the darkest part of his life. A dim candle in a world that sought to extinguish all light, it was all he had left after Kinloch.

"I'm sorry, Cullen," Kali whispered.

"Don't be," he replied, not looking up. "I am not a good man."

"Cullen…" Kali started, but Cullen had already started heading towards the door.

"I shouldn't have come. Forgive me."

He was half way down the dark street before Kali made it to the door. Part of her wanted to go after him, but she just watched as he disappeared into the night.

"Are you alright?" Garrett materialized out of a nearby alley.

"Were you spying on me?" Kali accused.

"I wasn't listening, if that's what you're asking," Garrett defended. "I was making sure that you're alright."

"I can not believe you, Garrett," Kali raged. "I had everything under control."

"I don't trust him, Kali. I was just waiting near by if something went wrong," he explained.

"I can take care of myself," Kali turned to go back inside.

"I know you can, but you have to understand that man is dangerous."

Stopping in her doorway, Kali took a deep breath to calm herself. "I understand your concern for me, but he is not dangerous. He is just a troubled man with a very difficult job."

"A job where he rounds up mages. He locks people away like they're cattle," Garrett argued. "If his superiors found out about you, you'd be back in the Circle before the day is out."

At some level Garrett was right. Cullen always justified the actions of the Templars, as well as his own, to himself. There would also be little the Knight-Captain could do to stop his brothers in the Order from taking her in. Still, Kali believed the man she had loved was in there somewhere. Though, she wasn't sure if he'd ever be that man again.

"Kali," Garrett softened his tone, "please, just stay away from him. It will only lead to trouble for both of you."

She knew he was right. Cullen wasn't in the right state of mind for any sort of relationship, even a distant one. There was also a lot going on in Kali's life as well. She had promised Garrett her help with the Deep Roads expedition. It was about time she followed through on that promise.

"Would you like to come in?" Kali asked. "I could use a stiff drink."

Garrett smiled, "you know what they say. You should never drink alone."

Before Kali followed Garrett inside she looked down the street one last time. Nothing stirred. The street was empty and dark. She wasn't sure if the Maker existed or if he cared, but Kali prayed that Cullen would somehow find some peace.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello again dear readers!**

 **I took a break from my essay writing and wrote this instead! I have a five page paper due on the book Broken Spears (it's a great book by the way) due tomorrow and I haven't even started writing it. I'm a terrible person, and you might think I'm terrible after reading this chapter, but I hope not!**

 **Anyway, I hope you're all enjoying Kali's journey as much as I am! I admit sometimes I'm not always sure where she'll end up at the end of each chapter. I kind of let her guide and I just follow. Plus, you know Hawke and Cullen are just... well they're boys. Always getting in the way!**

 **Thanks again to DalishEssence for the review and I'd love to hear from my other readers as well. Let me know how I'm doing. Hopefully I'm not too awful. Thanks for reading!**

 **RussianBear27**

* * *

Chapter 12

Garrett had gathered the necessary fifty sovereigns in order to invest in Bartrand's expedition. All that remained was securing a route into the Deep Roads. Luckily, Varric got wind of lead to a Grey Warden in the city. If anyone knew of a way into the Deep Roads, it would be a Grey Warden. Kali joined Garrett and Varric in Darktown. They headed for the clinic that the Warden had apparently set up to aid those in need.

Usually, Kali avoided Darktown, it made the Alienage and Lowtown seem classy and extravagant. Here the truly desperate scraped out an existence and would do anything for a little coin. Why this man had decided to open a healing clinic here was beyond Kali's understanding. Regardless, the healer had something they needed and they would brave the dirty streets of Darktown to get it.

"This is it," Garrett said as they approached a crumbling building, "I think." The building looked as if it used to be a small warehouse or storefront. Whatever it was, it looked abandoned except for a single blue lantern that hung over a massive door.

"Come on, " Varric urged Garrett onward.

As soon as they entered building Kali could feel a fade-touched presence. Normally, this would concern her as it would likely be a demon, but this was different. It felt troubled, but wasn't as _painful_ as a demonic presence. Intrigued she followed the others as they approached the mage that was healing a small child. He concluded his work and the child reached out to his waiting parents.

Grabbing his staff, the Warden turned his attention toward the four approaching strangers. "This is a place of healing, and peace," he said steadily. "I sincerely hope you harbor no ill intent." He held his staff tightly, preparing for trouble.

Looking him over, Kali realized she _knew_ him. He was from Ferelden, she had seen him the tower years ago. Everyone thought he had died or something. After his last attempted escape they had locked him in solitary and no one ever saw him again.

"Anders?" Kali asked.

"How do you know me?" He was genuinely surprised.

"Everyone knew you, Anders," Kali explained, "you're the only mage I know to escape Kinloch six times."

"Seven," he corrected, "the Templars didn't catch me the last time. Instead it was the Wardens." He let down he defense for a moment, then remembered he was surrounded by strangers. "Still, what are you all doing here?"

Garrett jumped in, "we need an entrance into the Deep Roads. Any help you can give us will save lives."

"The damned Deep Roads," Anders lamented. "What makes you think I'd give…" he stopped and thought for a moment. "How about this, a favor for a favor? I need help with something and if you help me, I'll provide you an entrance."

"What kind of favor?" Garrett asked, noting the mage's quick change in demeanor.

"I'll be honest, it's dangerous, but I have a friend that needs my help and I can't help him on my own." Anders replied.

"Alright," Garrett agreed.

"Just like that? You'll help me?" Anders was taken aback.

"It's kind of his thing," Varric explained, "helping people."

* * *

That night they met Anders outside the Chantry in Hightown. Surprisingly Anders didn't seem nervous, even though they were about to launch a rescue to save his mage friend from the Templars. Standing outside with him, Kali felt the presence of the fade again. Something was off with Anders, but she couldn't quite place what it was. She kept quiet. There was no point in bringing it up without more information. She still was on her guard around him.

They entered the Chantry with Anders, and the silence was deafening. It was the middle of the night, but the stillness of the great sanctuary was strange. Following Anders to the upper level of the sanctuary, the silence was disturbed only by their footfalls on the stone floors.

They found Ander's friend standing alone by the prayer candles, his back to them as Anders approached. "You shouldn't have come, Anders," he said in the telltale monotone of the Tranquil.

"Karl, what's wrong," Anders hadn't quite grasped the situation.

Karl turned around, a sunburst brand marred his forehead directly between the eyes. It was a recent wound, still unhealed and the surrounding flesh enflamed from the burn. "It is too late for me Anders. You should not have come for me."

"No!" Anders didn't want to believe it. "How could they do this?" he raged.

"Grab your friend and let's go," Garrett insisted. "We can sort this all out later, but we need to get out of here."

It was too late. A squad of Templars stepped out of the shadows and surrounded them. Anders struggled to control himself at the sight of them, but there was something inside him that he couldn't quell. The healer's rage was too great, and Kali felt a strong pull on the fade.

"You will not touch him!" Anders voiced thundered with a violent overtone. His eyes glowed with a light Kali had never seen before. It was if he was possessed, but Kali could tell it was not a demon.

Before anyone could make a move for their weapons, Anders attacked the closest Templar. Suddenly, they were tossed into the fray of battle. Anders, it seemed, could have handled it almost entirely by himself. By the time Garrett and Kali had taken town the Templar Lieutenant, Anders had annihilated the other four Templars. Varric had only been able to get a few shots off with his crossbow, Bianca. Yet, even after they were defeated his rage had still not subsided. His eyes were alight with the otherworldly glow, as he turned toward his allies.

"Anders," Kali called to him.

"I am not Anders," he roared.

Kali, didn't listen. This was a spirit, that much was obvious to her. "Anders, listen to me. You need to calm down. It's okay now."

The glow in Anders' eyes receded and the man returned to his old self, exhausted.

"What was that?" This time it was Karl who spoke. The monotone of his voice had gone. "Anders it was as if you brought a piece of the fade here."

"Karl!" Anders fully snapped out of his tirade. "You're okay!"

"No, I don't have much time," Karl explained in his moment of clarity, "I can already feel it fading away. You have to stop the Templars, Anders. They are turning all the mages Tranquil."

"What?" Anders pleaded, "what are you talking about?"

"I'm running out of time," Karl turned desperate. "Please, kill me before I lose myself. I don't want to live like that."

"No… I can't," Anders refused.

"You have to," Karl begged him.

Kali put her hand on Anders' shoulder, "there are worse things than death, Anders. All mages know that."

Anders closed his eyes, knowing she was right. "I'm sorry, Karl."

"Don't be," Karl smiled at him. "Thank you."

Anders clutched his staff, readying himself for the spell that would end his friend's life. After a flash of light, Karl crumpled to the ground, dead. Anders didn't say anything. He just stood there letting it all sink in.

Garrett quickly searched the body of the fallen Lieutenant for a moment, before finally urging everyone to leave. It would only be a matter of time before someone discovered the mess and he wanted to be as far away as possible when they did.

Still reeling from the whole ordeal, Anders didn't say a word until they were back in his clinic in Dark Town.

"So," Varric broke the silence, "do you mind telling us what happened back there, Sparkles?"

Anders put his staff away, and sat down in a rickety chair. "That was Justice. A spirit, and a friend."

"You're possessed by a demon?" Garrett was alarmed.

"I didn't say demon," Anders clarified. "I befriended a spirit of justice a long time ago who was trapped on this side of veil. He needed a host, and I offered. I thought I could handle it, but my anger…"

"Corrupted the spirit." Kali finished for him. She had read a great deal on spirits in her studies and even met a few during her visits to the fade. "Spirits are the embodiments of ideals, such as honor, compassion, forgiveness, or in this case justice. They do not seek to possess bodies or even leave the Fade. Instead they're generally well meaning beings that can influence people, usually through dreams.

"Spirits have one goal and never waiver from their ideals. A human, however, has inner conflict. The possession of human could confuse the spirit and take on human traits it shouldn't."

"Okay…" Varric was clearly overwhelmed by the information.

"Is he dangerous?" Garrett asked Kali.

"I don't know," Kali admitted. "I have never heard of a spirit possessing a human." This did nothing to put Garrett's mind at ease, "But, I feel that if he were a threat the spirit would have already made that clear," Kali added.

"Well, I'm stuck with him," Anders added. "Anyway, my Grey Warden maps are yours. Things didn't go the way I intended, but you held up your end of the bargain."

While Anders went to fetch the maps with Varric, Garrett approached Kali. "I found this on the body of that Templar Lieutenant," he held out a letter. Reading over it, it was from a Ser Alrick berating the Templar for approaching the Knight-Commander with a, "conflicted conscious."

"Something is going on in the Templar Order," Garrett said. "You heard Karl, they're turning the mages tranquil."

"Do we have the time to look into before the expedition?" Kali asked.

"I doubt it. I will have Aveline look into it. Maybe the city guard can get us some more information." Garrett suggested.

"I could ask Cullen," Kali volunteered.

"No," Garrett's face darkened at the suggestion. "He could be in on it, Kali."

"Or he might have some answers," Kali was getting tired of his prejudice toward the Templar.

Garrett opened his mouth to argue, but Anders and Varric had returned maps in hand.

"We've got our entrance," Varric beamed, "in fact we've got tons to choose from!"

"We'll talk about this later," Garrett finished.

* * *

The walk home was quiet and awkward, though Varric didn't seem to notice. He was over the moon about finally acquiring the Warden maps. Though, he probably did notice their disquiet and just didn't want to say anything. When they reached Kali's apartment, the dwarf gave a knowing wink directed at Garrett and continued heading home alone.

The first rays of dawn were beginning to turn the sky a purplish pink, chasing away the stars. Kali was about to head inside and get some much needed sleep when Garrett told her to wait.

"What is it?" Kali asked tiredly.

"I know I've been kind of a jerk lately," he apologized. "I just don't want you to get hurt." Garret sighed and stared at the ground, "and to be honest, it's because I'm jealous."

"Oh," Kali was surprised. "Jealous of what?"

"Shit, I'm bad at this," Garrett muttered. "Of Cullen," he said quickly, "and you. Of everything." He approached her and took her small hands into his large palms. "You're amazing Kali and I don't want to lose you."

Looking up at him, Kali didn't know what she felt. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she felt like she might burst. Her head felt light, and her hands cold. What was happening? Was she really leaning into him? Why wasn't she turning away?

She closed her eyes as their lips met. They were warmer and softer than she expected and his beard was not prickly as she thought it would be. Wait, was she really enjoying this? Her eyes snapped open, and reality quickly set in. Pulling away, she opened the door of her home.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she shut the door behind her. Garrett stood alone in the street, wondering if he had completely destroyed their relationship. He looked up at the sky in time to see the last star disappear in the light of dawn.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello again!**

 **Are you guys ready for some Cullen? I know I am! Anyway my thanks to savankala, starryskyondragon'sback, flaminea, and of course DalishEssence for your comments and reviews. They really do mean a lot to me and help motivate me to keep writing. I'm pretty excited to hear what you all think of this chapter.**

 **russianbear27**

* * *

Chapter 13

Try as he may, Cullen wouldn't go back to the way things had been before seeing Kali again. Concentrating on his work had become nearly impossible. His mind was preoccupied with thoughts of her and all the mistakes he'd made. Kirkwall was supposed to be somewhere for him to get away from what happened. A chance for him to start over and establish himself in the Order.

Instead, he had nowhere to go with his struggles. He would not bother the Knight-Commander with his problems, nor would he turn to the lower ranked Templars. In truth, there was no place for his feelings here. He couldn't trust anyone, because one misplaced word would be the end of Kali's freedom. Worse, as soon as Knight-Commander Meredith learned who she was, the previous sentence of Tranquility would undoubtedly be carried out.

Cullen paced the length of his office, trying to reconcile the thoughts in his head. How could he let her be free while he relentlessly tracked other apostates? It seemed the Maker was still punishing him for his sins. The nightmares were relentless now, and he had barely slept in days. Her words still rang in his ears, _you can't protect someone if they're dead._ She was right, Maker, he knew she was right. Yet, he couldn't shake the fear that the events of Kinloch would repeat themselves. Maybe not in the same manner, but he would do whatever he had to in order to prevent another catastrophe.

"Knight-Captain?" someone knocked on his door.

"Yes?" Cullen was snapped back from his thoughts.

The door opened, "the Knight-Commander is requesting the weekly reports." It was Ser Thrask, a well-meaning man that had all the optimism Cullen seemed to have lost. Sensing Cullen's distress, "are you alright Ser?" he asked.

"Fine," Cullen said a little too quickly heading over to his disorganized desk. Thrask watched as Cullen searched for the weekly reports. The Knight-Captain was at his wit's end that much was clear to Thrask.

"Ser," Thrask began as Cullen finally found the papers, "I know this is an idiotic thought, but it looks to me that you could use a drink." Thrask held his breath, preparing for a reprimanding from his superior.

"Is it really that obvious?" Cullen asked calmly, surprising Thrask.

Thrask took the reports from Cullen, "give me five minutes to take these to the Knight-Commander." Before Cullen could voice his objections, Thrask was already out the door.

The sun was sinking fast as they left the Gallows and made their way to Lowtown. Thrask could tell Cullen was uncomfortable with the whole situation, but the man needed to get out of the Templar Hall. Spending too much time there could push someone over the edge, especially under the sort of pressure the Knight-Captain dealt with every day.

"Where are we going?" Cullen asked.

"The Hanged Man," Thrask informed him.

"Couldn't we just drink at the Knight's Tavern in Hightown?" Cullen hadn't been out in the city a whole lot during his time in Kirkwall.

"We could, if you want every word you speak heard by the worst possible people," Thrask could tell the Knight-Captain had never had to watch his words around anyone.

"And the Hanged Man is patroned by a nobler sort?" Cullen would think the seedy pub would be the last place to keep secrets.

"The Hanged Man provides a sort of haven to all who enter. You'd be surprised."

Cullen wondered how Thrask knew all of this, but decided it best not to ask questions. After all, Cullen had few enemies and even fewer friends in Kirkwall. He didn't want to pass up on a potential friend.

Thrask ordered a round of drinks for them and found a table in the back corner. The tavern wasn't particularly busy that night, but Cullen noted the wide variety of customers sitting throughout the establishment. Though mostly workers and Lowtown residents, Cullen spied some wealthy merchants, a couple city guardsmen, and even a few noblemen.

"So what keeps the Knight-Captain awake at night?" Thrask asked boldly.

Though surprised by his nerve, Cullen appreciated being spoken to more as equal instead of the normal dance of superiority and duty that plagued his day-to-day life. "It's Cullen," he replied, "might as well do away with the title here."

"Arnald," Thrask reintroduced himself. "Now that's taken care of, Cullen what's been eating at you?" Cullen wanted to trust the older Templar, but he didn't know where to start. Thrask caught on to Cullen's obvious unease. "Look," he said gently, "the life of a Templar is never easy. In my years of service I've learned that every once in a while you have to be able to put down the shield, so to speak."

Cullen took a drink, he was tired of hiding and he needn't tell Thrask every detail. "Well, there's this girl, well a woman."

"Ah, lady problems," Thrask laughed a bit before taking a drink. "The Captain has his eye on some lucky lass?"

"Um, yes. And no."

"Do you mind elaborating?" Thrask sat back in his chair.

"I knew her, from before I came to Kirkwall. I never though I would ever see her again, and I honestly tried to forget her. But then she just shows up again. She's living here in Kirkwall, she fled with other refugees escaping the Blight."

"Have you tried talking to her?" Thrask asked as he ordered another round of drinks.

"Yes," Cullen finished his first drink, "and that went really well."

Thrask caught on to his sarcasm. "We only have one life, Cullen. If you spend it running away from possible mistakes, you'll miss out on so much of the beauty the Maker has blessed us with. If you care about this girl, then go for it. Templars have that freedom after all." Thrask watched Cullen carefully as the young Templar considered his words. In his years as a Templar, Thrask had made many mistakes that would him thrown out at a moment's notice, especially under Knight-Commander Meredith. However, he did not regret a single thing he had done in his life. He saw a lot of himself in the young Knight-Captain.

"I don't think the Order would approve of such a relationship," Cullen admitted.

Before Thrask could question him further they were interrupted.

"Thrask!" Varric boomed. "It's good to see you got out of that prison! Who's your friend?" Varric played dumb, knowing very well it was the Knight-Captain that sat next to the Templar Knight.

"Ah, Varric," Thrask greeted, "this is Ser Cullen, a friend of mine in the Templars."

Cullen drank deeply. He didn't know Varric's game, but Thrask seemed to trust him. He smiled weakly at the dwarf in lieu of a proper greeting.

"Well, it's good to see ya. Do you mind if I sit down while I wait for my friends?" Varric didn't wait for their reply.

"By all means," Thrask invited him anyway.

"Maybe I should get going," Cullen started to make a move to get up.

"Nonsense, Curly," Varric came up with his nickname on the spot. "I got the next round. We're all friends here."

There was no way for Cullen to leave without insulting his new friend, so he sat back down and let Varric order the next round.

* * *

"It's too tight, Isabela," Kali cried as Isabela fastened her dress. "I can hardly breathe in this thing."

"Pain, is a thing of beauty," the pirate rogue informed her. "You want to look your best for your night out with Hawke, right?"

"I want to be able to breathe," Kali groaned.

"Well you look amazing, love."

Kali looked herself in the mirror, and she saw what Isabela was talking about. She did look nice. The black and green dress hugged her in all the right places. It was almost as the dress created a curved womanly form with her slender frame. Even her moderately sized breasts had gotten a boost. Silver thread embroidered through out the outfit gave it an elegance that the rest of Kali's wardrobe lacked.

"I don't know if this is a good idea," Kali worried.

"We've been over this," Isabela reminder her. "You have to give the man a chance, or you'll never sort yourself out."

"I know," Kali sat down.

"I would think a girl like you would be a bit more excited about going out with such a man as Hawke."

"Apparently, I'm not like other girls," Kali bemoaned. "I'm just a confused mess! Why can't things just be easy and straight forward like books?"

"Because people are people, and people aren't books," Isabela pointed out the obvious. "Ready for makeup?"

"Not really," Kali hated make up, but she had agreed to let Isabela dress her up this one time.

"Ready or not, here it comes," Isabela laughed, grabbing her things.

"You always seem so sure of yourself, Isabela. How do you do it?" Kali asked. The mage was always so indecisive. Watching Isabela take the world on with so much confidence was baffling to her. The pirate always seemed to know exactly what she wanted and how to get it. Kali, on the other hand, had a hard time deciding what she wanted for breakfast.

"Close your eyes," Isabela instructed as she picked up the eyeliner. "I'll let you in on a little secret. I'm almost never sure of what I'm doing."

"Really?" Kali asked surprised.

"Yep. Half the time I have no idea what I'm doing or what will happen. I just trust my gut and go with it. I just never let it show. If I did how would I ever get my crew to follow me? How could I expect people to have confidence in me, if it seemed I didn't have any confidence in myself?"

Kali thought about what she said. She had been so afraid of everything since leaving Kinloch. Afraid of being alone, of being discovered by the Templars, and of getting too close to anyone. She needed to be able to run at a moment's notice, and she didn't want to make anyone drop everything to go with her. At the same time, the loneliness was eating at her. She missed Cullen and being with him. After meeting with him, she finally understood that she was fooling herself if she thought they could ever be happy together. They were too different now, and Cullen's life as a Templar would only be jeopardized being with her.

It was time to move on, and Garrett was her chance to do so. Still, she couldn't decide whether or not she wanted to. Isabela was right though, she would never know what she wanted until she went and found out for herself. Sitting around moping wasn't going to fix anything.

"All done," Isabela declared, stepping aside so Kali could look at herself in the mirror. The mage almost didn't recognize herself. Isabela had expertly applied the makeup, covering Kali's scar and bringing out the hues in her eyes. As an elf, Kali's eyes were larger than humans, so Isabela had brought focus to them, but balanced it with the perfect shade of lip color.

While Kali admired Isabela's work, there was a knock on the door. "It's him!" Kali was admittedly a bit excited now.

"Well, answer the door," Isabela laughed.

Kali opened the door for Garrett, who was taken aback by Kali's appearance. "You look lovely," he said.

Kali smiled, "thank you."

"I do good work, don't I?" Isabela boasted as she slipped past Garrett onto the street. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do, you two," she called as she left them alone. The pair knew there was very little Isabela wouldn't do, and widely ignored the passing comment.

"Shall we go?" Garrett asked offering his arm.

"Of course," she said taking it. "What do you have in mind?"

"You'll see," he said cryptically. Though Kali suspected it had something to do with the large pack carried on his back.

He led her out of the city to the Wounded Coast. When the reached the top of a hill overlooking the Waking Sea, he took off his pack and took out its contents. The sun was sinking towards the horizon, with only about an hour of daylight left. Garrett set out a small blanket and took out a prepared meal for two. It was a simple meal of bread, meat and various cheeses. More of a snack, but Kali still thought it was nice.

Sitting down on the blanket, Garrett poured them each a cup of wine he had procured from the pack. Thanking him, Kali took a cup and drank. It was surprising lovely, Garrett had gotten the good stuff.

"This is really nice," Kali said taking a few bites of food.

"I thought it would be nice to get out of the city and not be chasing after bandits for once," Garrett joked.

Kali smiled, "yes. I'm glad we aren't fighting anyone this time."

They sat in silence for a moment, just watching the sun sink in the sky. Kali looked at Garrett while he examined the horizon. He was like Isabela, always so confident, so sure of himself. When an opportunity came his way, he always jumped for it. In the time she had known him, she had never seen him back down from getting what he wanted. Why then, would he want to be with her? The little elven mage who always looked to others to guide her and she still had yet to figure out who she was.

"Are you ready for the expedition?" Kali asked breaking the silence.

"I think I am," Garrett replied. "I wish you would come along."

"I know, but this is your adventure. Besides, Anders is the better choice to take along, being a Grey Warden and all." Kali pointed out and Garrett knew she was right. As a Grey Warden, Anders had the ability to sense darkspawn, a valuable skill in the darkspawn infested Deep Roads.

"Still, I'll miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too, Garrett." Kali leaned up against him, and Garrett put his arm around her as the sunset lit the sky aflame. "I'll still be here when you get back."

Garrett leaned in and kissed her, and this time Kali didn't pull away.

* * *

Cullen and Thrask stumbled out of the Hanged Man. The Templars slowly started making their way towards the Gallows. Unfortunately, walking home drunk was slow work and they had only managed to make it to the Lowtown market a half hour later. The market was completely deserted, and the two men stopped for a rest sitting on an empty crate.

"You're a good man Arnald," Cullen's speech was a little slurred. "I-I am not a good man."

"Nah! You can't belive, believe that," Thrask sputtered. "You're Knight-Regal, you have to be a good man to be that."

Somehow Cullen understood him, even in this state. "No, I've done bad things," Cullen didn't know why he was telling him such things, but he couldn't stop himself. "You, you know that girl I was talking bout earlier? Well, I love that woman!"

"That's great Ser Curly," Thrask laughed, "but that isn't… that is not a bad thing."

"But it's who she is that's bad," Maker, he couldn't stop himself.

Thrask's drunk mind was able to connect the dots, "she's a mage!" He knew he was right just by looking at Cullen, "you didn't… You did! You slept with her!"

"Shhhhh!" Cullen drunkenly tried to cover his mouth, "not so loud!"

"Hey, it's fine with me," Thrask said as he dug into his pocket. "You can trust me. See this?" he pulled out a small locket and opened it clumsily. Inside was a small portrait of a young girl, and a lock of hair. "This is my daughter, Olivia. She's older now, just turned nineteen."

"I didn't know you had a daughter." Cullen reeled himself in.

"No one does. She's… well, she's a mage and I have protected her from the Circles."

Cullen just stared at him dumbfounded. What he just told the Knight-Captain was enough for immediate dismissal from the order, as well as a warrant for his daughter. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because there are things in this life that are much more important than the Order. Or at least what the Order has become. We, we shouldn't be fighting mages. We should just… work together. I don't know. These are just the ramblings of a drunk man." Thrask put the locket back into his robes. "I probably won't even remember tis tomorrow," he smiled.

"I hope not," Cullen said the words finally sinking in. "Come on, old man. We need to get back."

"Old man?" Thrask laughed as they got up and headed toward the Gallows.


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm back!**

 **Sorry, it's been a little while since my last update and I only have this short chapter to show for it. It's kind of an intbetweener chapter, I guess. I hope you all enjoy it nonetheless. Thanks again to Flaminea, starryskyondragon'sback, DalishEssence, and Marika Haliwell for your comments and reviews!**

 **RussianBear27**

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Chapter 14

Upon waking up the next morning Cullen was reminded why he normally didn't drink. His head felt like it was splitting open and his stomach felt as if he drank pure acid the night before. He couldn't believe he let Thrask talk him into drinking so much. The walk home was a blur of memory, as was everything else after the last round of drinks. Slowly, his mind started putting the pieces together as he forced himself to get ready for the day.

Groaning as he rolled out of bed, Cullen realized he was still wearing the same clothes he had last night. This was going to be a bad day, he could tell already. As he cleaned himself up and put himself together, the memories from the night before gradually became clearer.

Shit. He realized Thrask knew too much now and was probably already heading to the Knight-Commander to report him. He hadn't been here for six months and already he'd thrown it all away. Cullen changed quickly. His only chance was to somehow stop Thrask from getting to the Knight-Commander and somehow convince him to keep his secret. He nearly tripped over his own feet rushing to the door, but he didn't have to go far. Cullen opened the door to Thrask waiting in the hall.

"Good morning," Thrask greeted him a bit cautiously. "I, uh, I'm sorry about last night."

"It's alright," Cullen said. "About what I said…"

Knowing there were too many ears listening in the Templar Hall, Thrask interrupted him, "I have some errands to attend to in the market this morning. Care to join me Knight-Captain?"

"I suppose so," Cullen agreed albeit a little confused.

Thrask turned and lead Cullen down the hall. It seemed the Knight-Captain needed some lessons in subtlety if he was to continue on in his position. Luckily, Thrask was experienced in keeping secrets and if Cullen continued to follow his lead he felt things would turn out okay.

The Hightown market district was busy that morning, which did nothing to aid Cullen's throbbing head. Still he pressed on ignoring the pain, he was anxious to see what this was all about.

"I have no intention of informing the Knight-Commander about our conversation last night," Thrask said as they wandered through the throngs of people. "I hope you feel the same way."

In his panic, Cullen had almost completely forgotten about Thrask's confession. Somewhere out there the Templar had a mage daughter, who lived as an apostate. Thask's situation was much more severe than Cullen's and would likely overshadow any information connecting Cullen and Kali. Any punishment Cullen received would be a slap on the wrist compared to Thask's potential penalty. He could march to the Knight-Commander right now and have it all be done with. He could, but he wouldn't.

"I don't believe the Knight-Commander should be troubled with our problems. She's a busy woman, after all," Cullen decided it best to keep the confidence of his new comrade.

"Thank you, Knight-Captain," Thrask smiled.

They wandered through the market for a while longer, speaking of trivial matters in the Order. Until, they came across a large group gathering in the center of the market. Thrask suggested they return to the Gallows, but something stopped Cullen. A familiar face in the crowd was saying farewell to the gathered expedition. Cullen felt his heart sink as he spotted Kali, wrapped in the arms of another man.

"Are you alright, Cullen?" Thask asked as the other Templar simply stared.

Cullen didn't reply. He started toward them, he had to be sure it was her. It couldn't have been her. Kali wouldn't do that to him, he thought as the man planting a kiss on the top of her head. He stopped. Or would she? The last time they had spoken he had run out on her. Had left her alone in the middle of night, with no explanation, no spoken agreements.

Kali looked up and saw him. The smile on her face faded, confusing the man who held her. The man turned to see what she was looking at, facing Cullen. Garrett Hawke, of course. The warrior stood in front of her defensively, staring Cullen down. Cullen wanted to go up to them, and demand answers, but he knew he couldn't. He had pushed Kali away and now he was paying the price. Cullen turned on his heel and stormed off towards the Gallows. Kali called to him, but he ignored her cries. It took every last bit of willpower he had to walk away.

A very confused Thrask watched as the Knight-Captain turned on his heal and push past him. He locked eyes with Kali for moment, and he understood. Realizing what had just taken place, he quickly went after him.

"Cullen," Thrask caught up to him some distance away. "Was that her?" Cullen didn't reply, just continued his angry march toward the Gallows. Which only confirmed Thrask's suspicions.

* * *

Sending Garrett off was easier than Kali thought it would be. Their evening together had only left her more confused than before. She knew she should feel upset over Garrett's departure, instead she only felt a sense of relief. With him gone, she could hopefully sort out all the emotions running through her.

Kali never lied though. She would miss him and also worried for his safety, even if she knew that was foolish. Garrett was more than capable of handling any obstacle the world deemed fit to throw at him. However, she had yet to find that feeling of elation being with him, as she had with Cullen. The weird mix of joy and trepidation was all she had to go on now.

Garrett said goodbye to his mother and sister first. Telling Bethany to look after their mother, prompted a, "I can still take care of myself," from Leandra. Her son only smiled and hugged his mother for the last time. He then turned his attention to Kali, who waited quietly nearby.

"Stay out of trouble," Garrett teased.

"You know me," Kali smiled, "always finding myself in bad situations."

"Do take care of yourself," Garrett pulled her into his arms and held her.

"I will," Kali promised, "but you need to come back in one piece." She looked off in the distance as Garrett placed a kiss on the top of her head. At first she felt at peace, but then her heart filled with dread as she spotted a certain Templar across the square. Kali pulled away from Garrett, and the warrior took notice of her distress. He turned and saw Cullen heading towards them.

Putting himself between Kali and the advancing Templar, Garrett made it known he was not welcome. Cullen stopped in his tracks, a look of betrayal in his eyes as he looked to Kali. She didn't know what to do. The young Templar looked away, then turned and left the market without saying a word.

"Cullen!" Kali called after him, stepping out of Garrett's shadow. It was too late, the damage was done and Kali watch as her Templar disappeared into the crowd.

"Are you alright?" Garrett asked gently.

"I'm fine," Kali stuffed her emotions back into the box in the back of her mind. "Don't worry about it. He was going to find out at some point, I guess."

"Let's go Hawke!" Varric called as the expedition began to head out. There wasn't time for them to sort it out.

"I'll be back soon," Garrett promised.

Kali forced a smile as she waved goodbye, but inside she felt like she was falling apart. As soon as Garrett was out of sight, she let her smile disappear. Still, she couldn't let herself fall to pieces.

Making her way through the crowded market, Kali had never felt so alone. As she headed towards Lowtown, she thought about turning around and going to the Gallows. Maybe if she explained things to Cullen she wouldn't feel so horrible. She also knew it would probably only serve to further complicate matters. Instead, she kept her head down and weaved her way through the Lowtown crowds.

"Sorry I'm late, Harel," Kali called as she entered Lowtown's Apothecary and Books.

"Ah, the lovely Kaliana graces me with her presence," an old man responded from behind the counter. Kali smiled, Harel was nearly seventy and almost blind. In fact she wasn't sure if the man knew she was an elf, but at this point it hardly mattered. "I got fresh elfroot in today, and you know what that means."

"Healing potions," Kali replied. Mixing potions for Harel wasn't the most glamorous of jobs, but Kali enjoyed it nonetheless. The old man's failing sight made it difficult for him to create the concoctions that had been his livelihood for decades. That's where Kali came in. In the Circle tower she had some herbalist training, but working with Harel had taught her way beyond anything available in the tower.

Working for Harel was a welcome distraction. In her early years in the tower, Kali found the process of producing potions and salves tedious and focused her attention on her books. Now, it was more of a meditative practice that she rather looked forward to it. Harel also paid her fairly for her work, which allowed Kali to put food on her table when the jobs with Garrett were far and few between.

Getting to work, Kali arranged her tools in the back room. Harel hobbled behind her with a box of elfroot.

"Did your man finally leave on his trip?" Harel questioned her. He loved to pry into Kali's personal life. She always indulged him, because the old man had little else gossip about these days.

"Yes, Garrett left this morning," Kali replied gathering the other ingredients. "Though, I wouldn't call him _my_ man."

"Then what would you call him?" Harel smiled.

"I don't know," Kali sighed. "A good friend?"

"You don't sound so sure, my dear."

"I'm not sure of anything anymore. He's so… wonderful, I guess. I should be happy about being with him, but I'm not. Yet, I am. I am happy to be around him and spend time with him and his family. I just… I don't know, Harel."

"Ah," the old man thought. "If there is one thing I learned with my late wife, Maker bless her soul, it's that you can force happiness. You cannot force someone to be happy, and you cannot force yourself either."

Kali thought about his words as she pressed the elfroot leaves. Things weren't any clearer than they had been when she walked in, but she felt like she had been approaching the whole situation the wrong way.

"You are young," Heral continued, "I am sure the Maker will make things clear in time."

The elf was unsure if the Maker would clarify anything, but she knew the old man was right in a sense. She would just have to trust that things would clear up in time. In the meantime, she had healing potions to make.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello Everyone!**

 **Yet another chapter you my dear readers! A little insight to how I write my chapters. I have playlist of music I listen to as I write and sometimes a song can serve as great inspiration for a chapter. Sometimes, I have multiple songs that provide inspiration for the direction of a chapter or the story as a whole. If you'd like I can share the songs I have in mind that kind of accompany each chapter. This time around it was "Nothing Left to Say" by Imagine Dragons. If it's stupid or whatever, I don't have to include it, but thought I'd throw that out there.**

 **Thanks again to DalishEssence, Flaminea, starryskyondragon'sback, and savankala for your reviews and comments. You guys are amazing!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **RussianBear27**

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Chapter 15

Kali tried to keep herself busy the following weeks. She spent most of her days in Harel's shop helping him with the wares and running errands. Still, that left her evenings open and rather lonely.

The few times Kali had visited the Gallows, Cullen was nowhere to be found. The place still made her uneasy, so she never stayed long or inquired about the suddenly illusive Knight-Captain. Until, she ran into a familiar Templar, Ser Thrask. Garrett had aided him in the search for Feynriel, a young mage who was at risk for possession. They had tracked down Feynriel and encouraged the boy to go to the Dalish for training, as to avoid the clutches of the Templars. Thrask had surprised Kali when he didn't pursue Feynriel further. Any other Templar would have tracked the boy to the ends of the earth and dragged him kicking and screaming to the Circle.

She decided to take a chance and approached the Templar. "Ser Thrask?" she asked uneasily.

"Yes, my lady," he replied kindly.

Fighting the urge to run Kali continued, "I was hoping you might know the whereabouts of the Knight-Captain?"

Thrask stroked his goatee, as if deep in thought. "I believe he's out at the moment."

"Oh, alright," Kali began backing away. This was a stupid idea.

"Is there something else I can do for you?"

"No, thank you," she broke eye contact and attempted to turn away from the Templar.

"Wait," Thrask stopped her. "I will tell him you stopped by."

"Do you even know my name?" Kali asked a bit alarmed.

"I don't believe you should give up on him so easily, Kaliana," Thrask chose his words carefully. "He is a good man."

Kali only nodded in reply. Finding nothing else to say to the Templar, she turned and finally left the Gallows.

As she passed the city gates, she noticed a small band of Templars entering. Keeping to the shadows she watched them lead a small child toward the Gallows. The boy was no more than ten, and tears streamed down his face. The Templars seemed oblivious to his distress and marched onward with him in tow. Kali was taken back to when she was taken from her mother all those years ago, and it near impossible to quell her swelling anger towards these heartless Templars.

The little boy tripped in the street, dropping a ragged teddy bear. Through his tears the little boy couldn't find the will to get up. A nearby Templar ordered him up, but it only made him cry harder. The Templar was obviously out of patience. He grabbed the sad little toy in one hand and yanked the boy up with the other. Kali felt her magic flare in her fury, but suppressed it as to alert the Templars to her presence. She still looked for an opening to come to the child's aid. Luckily she didn't have to intervene.

"Put him down!" their commanding officer ordered.

"But Ser, this whelp would rather nap on the street. We don't have all day," the offending Templar replied as he forced the child to stand.

Their leader said nothing in reply. Instead he took off his helm and knelt, so he was level with the child. "Are you alright?" Cullen asked.

The child nodded not looking at the Knight-Captain. Cullen stretch out his hand toward the angry Templar, who promptly handed over the boy's bear. The Knight-Captain handed it back to the boy who took it cautiously. Kali couldn't hear what Cullen next to the boy, but the boy's tears ceased and he seemed to calm down a great deal.

Standing up Cullen turned to the Templar that had responded so heartlessly to the boy's distress. "We are Templars, not monsters," he told the man. "Maybe next time you'll remember your humanity."

"Yes, Knight-Captain," was all the Knight said in reply.

Cullen replaced his helm and led the entourage towards the Kirkwall Circle. Kali watched from the shadows of an alley way as they walked away. As they disappeared around a corner, Kali finally collected herself and headed home.

* * *

In the weeks since his chance meeting with Kali in the market, Cullen had slept very little. The nightmares that had become his only companion had intensified in their ferocity, and Cullen had taken to sleeping as little as possible. It seemed every time he closed his eyes he was tormented by the demons of his past.

He buried himself in his work to keep the nightmares at bay, and tonight was no different. The candle was low, and the paperwork on his desk was still piled high. A quiet knock at the door interrupted his concentration.

"Come in," he bid the visitor to enter.

The door swung open and in stepped Ser Thrask. "Burning the candles at both ends, I see," he smiled at the Knight-Captain, but it quickly faded when Cullen didn't return the gesture. The Templar cleared his throat and continued, "she came by today."

"Oh?" Cullen looked back to his paperwork.

"She asked for you," Thrask continued.

"Did she now?" Cullen tried hard to mask his emotions.

"Come on, Cullen. You can't lock yourself up and here and mope. She wants to talk to you," Thrask sat on the edge of his desk.

"Maybe I don't want to talk to her," Cullen's anger was apparent.

"I know that's not true. You're hurt, yes, but you know there's a chance that she still cares for you."

Cullen put his head in his hands, Thrask was right. "What chance do we really have, Arnald? I am Knight-Captain and she's… I'm just fooling myself if I think we could ever be together. She is better off without me."

"The Maker works in mysterious ways, my friend. I know you will forever regret it if you don't at least speak with her."

Cullen just sighed, he was exhausted and thinking of her just made his soul ache.

"You should try and get some rest," Thrask got up and left the Knight-Captain to his thoughts.

After attempting to work for a few moments, Cullen realized the task was impossible. His mind was a blur of thoughts, emotions, and pure exhaustion. It was time to face the nightmares and try to get some sleep. Hopefully he could come to some conclusion in the morning. Retiring to his quarters he settled in for what he was sure would be a few hours of fitful sleep.

The nightmare was familiar. The halls of Kinloch were dark and twisted, lined by his fallen comrades who stared at him accusingly. He walked down the long hallway trying to ignore the chilling stares of the long dead Templars. Slowly the walls around him faded away, replaced by the barrier that held him prisoner for all that time.

Uldred waited for him here, those soulless eyes stared right through him, a sinister grin twisted his face. A small army of demons appeared behind the maleficar. They reached for him, hissing. Cullen wanted to run but he was frozen in place.

"You failed her," they hissed. "She never loved you." The demons surrounded him.

"No!" Cullen tried to look away but he couldn't. Kali's lifeless body appeared between him and Uldred. Falling to his knees, darkness surrounded him, choking every last bit of hope out of him. He gathered lifeless Kali's form onto his lap, and he looked up at Uldred and his dreadful sneer. The demons clawed at Cullen as Uldred loomed overhead.

Suddenly Uldred's disgusting grin disappeared, followed slowly the rest of him. The blood mage faded from view and was replaced with Kali.

"Take my hand Cullen," she reached out to him.

 _This is strange_ , Cullen thought, _this has never happened before_. He didn't question further and reached for her hand. Upon contact the nightmare gave way to a much more peaceful scene. He was standing in the Kinloch chapel. Candles gave the sanctuary a familiar calming glow. Looking up, Cullen noticed there was no ceiling. Instead he saw thousands of stars, countless constellations above him.

He turned to find Kali sitting in the middle pew, like she had all those years ago when they met. "Are you really here?" Cullen asked putting it all together.

"Yes," Kali said calmly. "I am sorry for visiting unannounced, but I thought there was no other way to talk to you."

Cullen didn't know what quite to make of the situation. "What do you want?" It was a simple question, but it held in it a thousand more unanswered prayers.

"Sit with me?" she bid him over to her.

Cullen sat next to her, waiting to hear what she had come to say, "so?"

Kali took a deep breath staring at her hands. "I honestly don't have a good answer Cullen, at least not one that will be good enough. Can I first just apologize? I am sorry for what I did, I know it hurt you and I never meant for things to happen as they did."

"When were you going to tell me, then?" Cullen demanded.

"I don't know. When you left the last time, I didn't know if I'd ever see you again. It felt so final and it just seemed my presence only served to hurt you. It wasn't until I saw you in the market did I realize what I'd done to you." Kali sighed, "I don't know what's going on anymore."

An uncomfortable silence fell between them. Cullen wanted to be angry at her, wanted to tell her leave to him in peace, but he had to know one thing first. "Do you love him?" Cullen asked quietly.

"I care about him," Kali replied.

"But do you love him?" Cullen insisted.

"No. Not like that," Kali admitted.

Cullen relaxed a bit, surprised by how much of a relief it was to hear her say that. Looking at Kali, Cullen knew that she was just trying to find a bit of happiness in this crazy world. How could he blame her? He, after all, had mistreated her and left her when she needed him most.

"I am sorry, Kali. For everything. You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, and I don't know if I can do that," Cullen whispered. Admitting this was like ripping his own heart out of his chest.

Kali looked at him, "what are we doing?"

"What do you mean?" Cullen was confused.

"It seems every time, we try to go our separate ways we end up in each other's paths again and again. After Kinloch, I went to farthest corner of the earth I could to get away, but here we are, Cullen. I try to move on, but something always stops me. I try to be happy, but with you I never had to try to feel anything. I'm sure this isn't making any sense."

"No, I understand," Cullen assured her. It seemed the world would never let them escape each other. He would never be able to be free from her or his feelings for her. At the same time he wasn't sure he wanted to be free from her.

"I saw you outside the Gallows today," Kali continued. "You stood up for that little boy, and to be quite honest I didn't think you would after what you've been through and what you've said. Why did you do it?"

Cullen scoffed involuntarily. "If an innocent child is just a demon lying in wait, then what good is there left in the world? I have to believe that there is still good. Because if there is no good in even the most innocent of mages what does that make you? What does that make me?"

"You are a good man, Cullen," Kali smiled at him. "I'm sorry, but I have to go," she said suddenly.

"Please," Cullen took her hand. "I still don't know what _this_ is," referring to their ambiguous relationship. It was too late. Kali was fading along with the chapel. She placed a soft kiss on his check before the dream faded to darkness. All dreams, it seemed, must come to and end.

Cullen woke with a start. The morning sun was streaming through his window. He was still confused about everything with Kali, but their strange dream conversation had brought him some comfort. Maybe things weren't as bad as he thought they were. As he reflected on his surreal conversation, he realized he felt rested. He wasn't sure where things were going, but he finally had a decent night's sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello Dear Readers!**

 **I am so sorry for my absence! I honestly got caught up in a combination writer' block, Fallout 4, finals, and the holidays. I'm back now, hurray! Anyway, thank you all for the continued support and reviews. I promise to update soon.**

 **Russianbear27**

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Chapter 16

It seemed the day of Garrett's return came far too soon. In the days since her rendezvous with Cullen in the Fade, Kali had come to the decision she couldn't stay with Garrett. She could not be what he wanted her to be. Although, she still felt that being with Cullen was an impossibility, she couldn't continue on with Garrett with her feelings in doubt. In her head she knew what she was doing was stupid, but her heart knew it was the right thing to do. She couldn't lead him on.

Of course nothing could ever go as smoothly as Kali hoped it would. She found Garrett waiting for her at her apartment one evening after she returned home from Harel's shop. He sat waiting for her outside her humble home, but stood up and hugged her when she approached.

"You're back," Kali was genuinely surprised. As Garrett pulled away, Kali could see his pained expression. "What's wrong?" a feeling of dread pooled in the pit of Kali's stomach.

"He took her." Garrett spat, "the bastard took Bethany."

Kali's eyes widened in horror, "quick, come inside." She pulled Garrett in off the street and sat him down at her flimsy table. Garrett sat with his head in his hands, Kali reached toward him, "tell me what happened."

"I hadn't been home an hour, before they barged through the door. The damned Templars found her."

"So she's…"

"Yes, she's gone to the Circle. Cullen made sure of that."

Kali let his words sink in, "I'm sure Cullen didn't…" she spoke softly, but Garrett cut her off again.

"You're defending him?" Garrett couldn't hide his frustration.

"I was just trying to explain..."

Garrett's emotions were running high and Kali couldn't stop the tirade that was imminent. "You of all people should understand, Kali. He's taken from me what I hold most dear and locked it away. How can you be okay with that?"

"I never said I was okay with it," tired of being cut off and ignored Kali fought hard to control her emotions. "You've decided to single out one man and place the blame of an entire institution on his head. I know you're upset, I am too, but this is bigger than you or me, and it is not the fault of one man."

"That man is the Knight-Captain. He is the embodiment of the Templar Order and their twisted ways."

"He is a good man, Garrett," she said calmly.

Garrett took a deep breath trying to calm himself, "you still care about him, don't you?" He seemed to see right through her.

"This isn't about me," Kali couldn't look at him. She braced for the anger that was sure to come.

Instead, Garrett just shook his head and stood up. "I can't believe this," he headed towards the door. The door slamming behind him struck deeper than Kali ever thought it would. That was not how it was supposed to go. It seemed all she could do was hurt those closest to her. Now it was her turn to sit at the table with her head in her hands.

Taking a few deep breaths to clam herself, reality slowly set in. Bethany was gone. The Circle here wasn't like Kinloch in Fereldan. Knight-Commander Meredith was a powerful force in the city and she kept the mages under close watch. Their day-to-day lives were much more restricted than those in Kali's home Circle.

Grabbing a cloak from her room, Kali prepared to step out into the twilight lit streets. She couldn't stay here, she need to find out for herself what had happened. The only way she could do that was to go to source and talk to Cullen. She pulled the hood of her cloak over her head as she headed out the door. As she headed towards the Gallows, Kali knew what she was doing was crazy there was no guarantee she would even be able to speak to him. That didn't stop her feet from leading her through the streets to the gates of the Gallows.

The streets gradually become more and more empty as she got closer to the seat of Templar Power. Merchants were packing up their wares and closing for the night. They took no noticed of the cloaked elven woman who passed them by. Finally she reached the gallows as darkness encroached on the city.

A few guards were preparing to close off the gallows for the night. She was too late. Then she spotted him across the courtyard, overseeing the night's operations. After watching for a moment, Cullen finally looked and took notice of her. He crossed the courtyard towards her as soon as the other Templars where busy with their task. Her heart felt like it was going to burst out her chest as he reached her.

"What are you doing here?" Cullen couldn't hide his concern.

"Where is Bethany?" Kali knew there was no time to be subtle.

Cullen's shoulders dropped betraying his exhaustion, "if you're here, then you already know the answer. You need to get out of here," he pleaded with her. Kali gave him a look that said she wasn't leaving till she had an explanation. Cullen sighed, "please, Kaliana. I promise we can talk about this later, but you need to leave." He glanced over his shoulder to make sure the other Templars had not taken notice yet.

Knowing he was right, Kali pulled her cloak closer around her. "You know where to find me."

* * *

Standing outside Kali's door, Cullen was working up the courage to knock. It was the middle of the night and she was probably asleep, but it was now or never. He took a deep breath, raised his hand, and knocked softly. He waited silently, and was about to knock again when he heard the lock turn from the inside. The door opened slowly and Cullen saw half of Kali's face peering out at him. She said nothing, but opened the door and let him inside.

Locking the door behind him, Kali looked at Cullen await his explanation. Cullen had no idea where to begin, there was no good answer for this situation. He had done his duty, but the way Kali looked at him, he felt he had committed the greatest of transgressions. "I don't know what you want me to say," he admitted.

"Why," it was more of a command than a question. "Tell me why you took Bethany."

Cullen looked at her strangely, he had expected her to be upset, but not with him specifically. "What do you mean?" he asked trying to understand where this was coming from. "I was doing my job, doing what the Chantry demands of the Order. She is in the custody of the Templars _, I_ only did as I was ordered."

"You are the Knight-Captain, you could have stopped it," Kali sound a bit desperate as if she were trying to find answers that weren't there.

"We both know there is nothing I could do. She is an apostate. At least now she can get the training she lacked to control her powers."

Kali's eyes burned into him as they never had before, "yes, she is an apostate, but she doesn't need to be locked away in a circle." Cullen could hear the anger in the shaking of her voice.

"The Chant demands…"

"I don't care what the Chant demands, it's not right."

Cullen stared at her, feeling as if the world beneath his feet had suddenly become unstable. Normally, such words would not hold as much sway over him, but when Kaliana spoke it seemed as if Andraste herself would heed her words. Everything he knew to be true had been overcast by a doubt infiltrating the foundation of his soul, and it scared him. He knew what she was saying at the very least was blasphemy, but somehow part of him felt she was right.

"What would you have me do? I cannot rewrite the Chant of Light, nor reform the Templar Order," he tried to reason with her.

Kali's eyes softened and she sighed. "I know," she relented, "I shouldn't be putting this all on you. I already lectured Garrett for the very same thing." Cullen couldn't hide his contempt at the mention of Garrett's name, but Kali continued. "I just wish there was something we could do," she sat down her head in her hands.

It was impossible not to notice how small she seemed now. Part of him marveled how such a little elf could speak with such passion and persuasion. It was only a year ago this woman was a soft-spoken mage of the Circle. Now it seemed she had found her voice and a direction, and Cullen prayed it would not lead her to trouble.

"I don't believe there is anything we can do to free Bethany," Cullen knelt before her, taking her hands in his, "and I know the situation for the mages here is not… ideal, but for now we have to trust it is for the best. Knight-Commander Meredith knows what she is doing. In the mean time we just have to do the best we can with what we have."

Cullen could tell she didn't quite buy into his advice, but she chose not to push the issue further. "What do we have?" Kali asked instead.

"I don't know, but I know that I can't keeping running from this, from you. I can't seem to figure out the chaos in my life, but you, in some twisted way, are the only thing that makes sense." He reached up and gently caressed her cheek, "I cannot give you everything I would like to, or a normal stable life."

Kali laughed, "nothing about my life now is normal or stable."

Cullen smiled, knowing she was right. Her life as an apostate was more likely to endanger him than he was to endanger her as a Templar. Right now that didn't seem to matter, all he knew was when he was around her everything felt right. There was nothing the Order or the Chantry could do to change that.

He stood up, and gently pulled Kali along with him. She folded into his arms as if she where made to be there. He felt the nagging guilt, doubt, and fear of surrounding world fade away. Instead a sense of warmth he had not experienced in years washed over him. Softly resting his cheek on the top of her head, he breathed in the familiar scent of her hair. The world could burn down around them right at that moment and he would not care.

Kali pulled back, but did not break the embrace. She looked up at him with her wide emerald eyes. Cullen brushed a few strands of her hair from her face. For a moment they didn't say anything, not wanting to break the silence. Instead, Cullen leaned in and caught her lips with his. She didn't pull away, instead she wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him closer still.

It felt as if no time had passed between them, that the previous year apart had never happened. Their kiss softly broke away, and Cullen became subtly aware of his surroundings again. He almost expected her to disappear like she did so often in his nightmares, but she didn't. She was real, and they were together.

"Will you stay with me?" Kali asked him, almost a little fearful. "Please don't walk out again."

His heart sank, the last he had been here he'd walked out without so much as a goodbye. Pulling her into another kiss, he answered her question. When they broke apart again he spoke, "I don't know what the future holds for us, but I promise that I will never leave you again."

They both knew he would have to leave before morning's light, but for now, they had each other.

* * *

 **Hello again!**

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

 **This is a major turing point in the story, as the second game going into a three (at least I think it's three) year break that it skips over. I'm deciding how/if I want to write about the next three (or whatever number it is) years of the story. I'm thinking snapshot for the next chapter, but I guess we'll see what works. If you guys are fine with that or with me just glossing over it like it did in the game let me know in a review.**

 **Also, I wrote some saucy bits for Cullen and Kali... I couldn't decide if I wanted to post it or not. I'm rather new to the world of smut writing. Plus, I didn't want to catch readers unaware with such scenes. If you're interested in reading it let me know. I can post it here, send it to you, and I've also considered posting it on Archive of Our Own, which has a broader rating system.**

 **Leave me a review and let me know what you guys think. Its really the only feedback I get.**

 **RussianBear27**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello Everyone!**

 **I'm back! I'm sorry these updates are coming so slow. I'm back in class and have a big research project to do this quarter. I'll keep them coming as quick as I can and I appreciate your patience.**

 **Anywho, like I said last time, this was kind of an awkward time in the game, so I kinda feel this chapter is a bit awkward as well. I kind of just needed to get it out of the way. I decided against the "smut" as I felt it didn't really fit in. Maybe it'll work better later ;)! I did however include a bit of Kali's take on the last interaction with Cullen, so I hope you enjoy that. I felt her thought process was needed.**

 **Hope you enjoy it regardless that I feel it's not my best chapter, but whatever!**

 **Thanks!**

 **RussianBear27**

 **PS The song for this chapter (mostly for between Cullen and Kali) is "Set Fire to the Third Bar" by Snow Patrol**

* * *

Chapter 17

She wanted to be angry with him, because it seemed she was being torn apart on the inside. When Kali returned to her apartment after her evening visit to the Gallows she felt as if the world had began to crumble beneath her feet. Bethany was gone, and even though Kali knew her friend had merely been taken to the Kirkwall Circle, it felt as if she had died. Even knowing Cullen wasn't directly responsible couldn't fully quell her anger. As she waited for him, with no guarantee he would even come, she fought an internal battle trying to place the blame on someone or something.

When Cullen knocked on her door a couple hours later, she was no closer to resolving the turmoil within her. Seeing him again, she wanted to blame him. It would be easy he was a powerful Templar, after all. Then with all after all his talk of the Order and the Chant, it felt like one big excuse and Kali nearly completely lost herself to her anger. It wasn't fair, he could talk all he wanted of the Maker and the Chant, but Bethany was gone.

"What would you have me do?" he asked her. "I cannot rewrite the Chant of Light nor reform the Templar Order." The defeat in his voice and his eyes was obvious, and Kali suddenly regretted her words. Not in the sense that she didn't mean what she said, but she realized her anger was wholly misplaced. She, like Garret, had fallen into the trap of lashing out at those closest to her. The hypocrisy of her actions struck hard.

"I just wish there was something we could do," she relented after apologizing. Her knees shook beneath her and she sat down in the closest chair, her face in her hands. This was so much bigger than the two of them, and the impossible scope of the reality of the problems sunk in. She was one woman, an elf and a mage. He was one man, a human and a Templar. It seemed everything in her life was set up to be at odds creation havoc. It all seemed hopeless and stupid.

Then Cullen took her hands into his, and none of that mattered anymore. He asked her to trust in the Order for time being. Kali didn't trust the Order, but she trusted Cullen and she was willing to put the issue to rest for the time being. The man in front of her only wanted to do the right thing and she loved him for it.

He pulled her into an embrace promising to never let her go, and Kali wished they could stay like that forever. Inside she was mess of emotions, and the world seemed to be falling apart around her, but with Cullen she felt sure and safe. The world and its problems could wait.

When he kissed her, she felt the rush of heat race across her skin making her hair stand on end. At the back of her mind was a fear he would rush off as he had previously. Before she let things move further, she asked him to stay. She couldn't stand to watch him walk away this time.

"I promise, I will never leave you again," his words seemed to ring in her ears. It was all she needed to hear, and when their lips met once again she could hardly contain her elation. They had found their way to her bedroom, riding a wave of passion. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt like this, felt so alive. Tonight they were together, and she would make it last as long as she could.

Kali hadn't noticed she had fallen asleep until she was roused by Cullen's gentle nudges in the early hours of the morning. Blurry eyed, she looked up at him and barely registered his goodbye before being claimed again by sleep. It wasn't until she woke up the second time did she realize he'd gone.

She sat up in bed trying to piece together the night before, wondering if maybe it had all been a dream. Looking around her dimly lit room she saw her nightclothes, that had been carelessly tossed aside in desperation the night before, were folded neatly on top of her dresser. Kali smiled to herself, imagining Cullen folding her clothes before returning to the Gallows. Only he would have thought to do such a thing.

Slipping out from beneath her sheets, she pulled her robe off the hook on the wall and put it on. Ander's clinic was dreadfully understaffed and she had promised to help. Even if she was nowhere close to his level of healing abilities, a promise was a promise.

Wandering into her living area, she saw a small slip of paper on the table. Picking it up she saw it was note written in Cullen's carful hand.

 _Kaliana,_

 _I am so sorry I have to leave without a proper goodbye, but I suppose we both know that is the way it must be for now._

 _I love you. I will see you again soon._

 _Yours,_

 _Cullen_

The smile that crept across her face was tenacious, and stuck with her the rest of the morning.

* * *

The following years brought a lot change to Kirkwall. The Qunari who had been stranded in the city began branching out into the city. Kali watched as their influence spread into Low Town and the Alienage. Many of Kirkwall's oppressed sawy the Qun as a means to escape their desperate circumstances. Though concerning, the conversion were not large enough in number to trouble the wider city. It seemed no one cared if a few elves and vagabonds surrendered their lives to the Qunari's strict way of life.

In the Gallows, the changes were gradual, but they did not escape the ever-watchful eyes of Anders, Kali, and the other apostates. Knight-Commander Meredith seemed to be tightening her grip over the mages, cutting off nearly all contact between the Circle and the city of Kirkwall. Only an increasing number of tranquil ever seemed to leave the Gallows, and they left only to sell their wares or work for the Templars.

Kali had tried to ask Cullen about the issues, but he only ever said that Knight-Commander Meredith was doing what was best for the city. They had fought over it many times, until Kali realized that Cullen didn't actually know what was going on. He was either being kept in the dark or something more sinister was at work. Still, Kali couldn't help but feel he was turning a blind eye towards the blight of the mages. At the end of one particularly heated argument, they had agreed not to discuss the issue further. The truce brought peace to their relationship, but both knew there was a storm brewing just beneath the surface.

Otherwise, the hardest part about being a mage carrying on with the Knight-Captain was the difficulty of finding time to be together. Going weeks without seeing each other in person was hard, but Cullen wouldn't spend too much time away from the Gallows without arousing suspicion. Kali going to Gallows to see him was out of the question. Thankfully, Kali's dream abilities gave them a private method of seeing each other.

Garrett moved into a new home in High Town, buying back his family's estate with the riches he brought back from the expedition. Things were tense between Garrett and Kali for some time, but they eventually settled back into their easy friendship. Recently, Kali had been splitting her time between Ander's clinic, Harel's shop, and jobs with Garrett.

Her life had become a whirlwind of work, but Kali preferred it to her empty home and lonely nights. The city always had something to offer to keep her mind off of her troubles. Trouble was certainly brewing in Dark Town as Anders was looking into the amassing amounts of Tranquil in the city.

"Something is very wrong," Anders muttered to Kali one morning.

"Something is always wrong," Kali reminded him. Her friend had become increasingly disturbed over the last few weeks, almost to a point where it distracted him from his work in the clinic.

"It's something big this time," Ander pressed. "There are Tranquil everywhere now. Something is going on, I've never seen them in such great number at any circle."

"It is concerning," Kali admitted, "ever since that night in the Chantry things have been different."

"Exactly. I've gotten word from a few apostates who have managed to escape the Gallows that something is going on. Unfortunately, no one seems to know exactly what it is." Ander's grim expression morphed into a smirk, "has the dear Knight-Captain said anything?"

"No," she said simply, her cheeks reddening. "We don't talk about mages or the Order."

"I suppose I could see how that could be a source of tension between the two of you."

"That doesn't even begin to cover it," Kali sighed.

Kali could feel him watch her while she fold bandages with trembling hands. "Are you two okay?" he asked with genuine concern.

"Yes, I think so," she sat down in a nearby chair. "It's been three years and you would think we'd have it figured out by now. I know he wouldn't lie to me, if he knew he would tell me. Yet, I don't think he wants to know. He wants the Order to be good, and its actions justified. He would rather look the other way than admit otherwise."

Anders sat down across from her, "we both know something big is happening. I cannot stand by and watch good mages, good people, be treated so heinously."

"Nor can I," Kali said firmly.

After thinking for a moment, Anders spoke, "There is a group of mages trying to escape the Circle tonight and we can help them."

Kali looked at him, a smile across her face, "I'll get Hawke."

* * *

The mission was a disaster. A group of Templars had found the mages first and a fight was unavoidable. In the end four Templars were dead, and one of the three escaping mages had fallen in the fight as well. In her years since leaving Kinloch Kali had see so many die at her hand and at the hands of others. It didn't get any easier.

Crouching down she looked over the young face of the dead mage. She was little more than a girl, maybe sixteen. Her brown eyes were wide and lifeless, staring into nothing. Gently, Kali closed her eyes hoping that maybe the girl found some peace. Standing up, that hope turned to anger at the senseless loss of life. Turning she looked upon the faces of the Templars who had fought them.

The sight of their armor made her skin boil, a symbol of oppression. Then she looked over their faces. One Templar in particular was younger than the rest, barely of age to don the armor. His chest plate gleamed brighter than the others, having never seen use in combat. Next to him, lay the body of their officer. An older man who had surely seen many a battle. His skin was worn and lined by age and lyrium use. When the young Templar had fallen, the officer had flown into a rage and charged Garrett. It took three bolts from Varric's crossbow to bring him down. The bolts stuck out of his body at odd angles.

Kali's mind raced, trying to make sense of the whole scene. A mage was dead for the crime of freedom. Yet, four Templars had also met their end fighting for what they believe. Manipulated by corrupt Chantry that held their leash, telling them their cause was just. There was nothing just about this. Unable to look any long, Kali joined her companions who were speaking to one of the surviving mages.

"Tranquility is becoming more and more common," the surviving man explained. "I've seen mages who have passed their Harrowing turned tranquil, with only the slimmest of explanation."

"It's worse than we thought," Anders breathed looking to an infuriated Hawke.

Keeping his anger in check Hawke only said, "come, we will get you out of the city."


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello!**

 **I'm back with a Cullen chapter! It was longer, but I decided the split the chapter up. This chapter felt like it need to be on its own as it really sets Cullen up for the rest of the story and distances him from DA2 Cullen. He was such a dick in DA2, well he was in my opinion. Anyway, I hope you like it. I have a good idea of where I'm going from here, so it shouldn't be too long before another update.**

 **Also, for this chapter I've been listening to a lot of the newest Monsters and Men album. Their song "Hunger" really fits this chapter I think.**

 **Thanks again for reading!**

 **RussianBear27**

* * *

Chapter 18

Cullen lay half awake in his room, wondering if tonight he would once again be plagued by nightmares or if Kali would come to rescue him once more. He still feared falling asleep most nights with the uncertainty that surrounded it. Fortunately, his fears tonight were unfounded.

She was waiting for him by the lake, sitting on a swing hanging from a great oak tree that seemed to grow into infinity. A smile spread across her face as she looked over her shoulder at him. Getting off the swing she met him on the shores of the placid lake. Pulling her into his arms, he breathed in the scent of her hair. Even now, after years of dreaming with her, he marveled at how real everything seemed.

"I've missed you," he murmured and kissed the top of her head.

"Well maybe you could come see me sometime you wouldn't miss me as much," she half jested. "I don't remember the last time we been together in person."

"I'm sorry. I know. I just haven't been able to get away without raising any suspicion."

"There's always the Hanged Man," Kali looked up at him. "Thrask always loves an excuse to go. We could… accidently run into each other, perhaps?"

Cullen smiled, "perhaps that could be arranged." He brushed a stray lock of hair from her eyes. There was something in her eyes, something she wasn't telling him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he could tell she was lying. He eyes always gave her away.

"Kali, what is it. I can tell something is wrong," his smile was gone.

She pulled away from him and looked out over the lake. Her hair floated softly in the breeze, her delicate pointed ears disappearing and reappearing in its gentle dance. Watching her, he knew she was trying to find the words to tell him. Whatever it was it really had her worried.

"Kali, you can tell me anything," he reminded her.

"No," she said flatly, "I can't."

Placing a hand on her shoulder, "what do you mean?"

She took a deep breath as if preparing for the worst. Cullen bolstered himself awaiting this terrible revelation.

"Do you remember the boy you brought to the Circle a few years ago? The boy with the bear?"

"I do," he realized why she had been so reluctant to say anything. Speaking of mages and Templars was a topic they had put to the wayside long ago to keep the peace.

"I saw him today. In the market," her words were steady and sure, but she was choosing them carefully. "Well, I saw what was left of him."

"What?" Cullen was genuinely confused. "What are you talking about?"

Kali looked at him, fire in her eyes, "he was tranquil, Cullen. He's not even fourteen. Not even old enough to understand the world, let alone himself. How can they do that to a _child_?"

Cullen couldn't meet her eyes, "there has to be reason. Maybe…"

"What reason could be good enough for that?" The once still lake stirred with her outburst. "Even if he chose to become tranquil that choice was always left until they are of age."

"Every mage is threat and if he posed a threat, then it is better for it to be dealt with early," Cullen sputtered.

She stared at him, mouth open in disbelief, "how could you? How can you be okay with this?" The dream around them seemed to shake from her anger. The lake boiled, and the oak tree bent itself into twisted knots. It was if it was all going to crumble around them, but then suddenly everything was still. "You're just as bad as the rest." She turned and began walking away and Cullen could feel her pulling out of the dream.

"Kali, wait," he called after her. "I'm sorry. I didn't…" she kept walking. "We can talk about this. I… I'm sorry." It was too late. The once bright and calming atmosphere gave way to darkness. Cullen could only watch as she faded, the dream burning in her wake.

He woke before dawn, a weight on his heart. The dream was still clear in his mind, her words still rang in his ears. She had accused him, believing he was just as responsible for a mage's fate. Yet, as far as he knew, no such thing had taken place. She had to be mistaken. As Knight-Captain, nothing happened in the Circle of the Order here that he wasn't aware of. Every Rite of Tranquility had to get past him or the Knight-Commander. This had to be one big misunderstanding. At first light he would look into the matter himself and put himself and Kali at ease.

As Knight-Captain, Cullen was not as involved with the day-to-day tasks as the other Templars were. His role was mainly facilitation between the Templars and the wider world. Which meant going where Knight-Commander Meredith could not, and dealing with issues not important enough to bother her with. This mostly involved bringing in new mages, disciplinary actions within the Order and Circle, and a lot of paper work. This meant he had very little contact with the Tranquil, save for signing off on a few Rites after going through the investigation reports. He never liked signing them, but felt in most cases it was a necessary evil. Thankfully, he was rarely required to as the Rite was hardly used. Most were done by voluntary mages who chose not to go through their Harrowing.

Still, he felt he needed to put the issue of the boy to rest. Things would never bet okay with Kali until he got to the bottom of the issue. He started his search for the boy in the records. A file on every mage and Templar was kept in the Records Hall, which was more of a glorified closet. Cullen approached the old Templar sitting at the desk in the small room.

"Knight-Captain," the man struggled to stand up at his approach. He was long past his sword wielding days, but he still wore his Templar robes.

"At ease, Ser…" Cullen realized he didn't know the man's name.

"Ser Carver," the old man informed him.

"Ser Carver," Cullen continued as the man returned to his chair, "I am in need of the records of mage brought here a few years ago."

"Well you've come to the right place Knight-Captain," Carver smiled. "Who are you looking for?"

"A boy," again he didn't know the name. He had brought in a great number mages over the last few years and seldom learned their names. "He was from a village in Wildervale. Kormick, I believe it was."

"Well, that narrows it down," the man got out of his chair again, with great effort. He went to one of the many shelves that lined the walls and examined the labels. The man struggled with the dim light and his failing eyesight. Cullen waited patiently.

"Who am I looking for again?" Carver asked turning to Cullen.

"A boy brought in about three years ago from the village of Kormic," Cullen reminded him patiently. The old Templar was obviously beginning his descent from his years of lyrium use. It always started with short-term memory. Then inevitably, he would forget who he was and become a shell of his former self. It was obvious the man had been given the simple task of maintaining the records to keep him out of trouble.

"Ah yes," Carver huffed and turned back to the shelf. A few moments later he pulled a box off the shelf and rifled though its contents. Finally, he pulled a small file from the box, "I believe you're looking for Remon Lough." He handed the file to Cullen's waiting hands.

"Thank you," Cullen opened the file. Everything pointed to this being the boy he brought in those years ago. The personal belongings upon arrival even listed a stuffed bear. Reading further everything seemed normal. A small infraction a year ago when he accidently lit the curtains in the apprentice hall on fire, but other than that there was very little on his record. He looked to the last page where Harrowing dates and other rites would have been kept. All it listed was a date from several weeks ago next to _Rite of Tranquility_.

"I believe there are some missing pages in this file," Cullen told Carver.

"Is that so? That is all I have on the boy," the old Knight sat down in his chair.

"It can't be," Cullen wasn't blaming him. "It says here that he was made tranquil, but there is no investigation, no voluntary note, there's nothing."

Carver held out his hand, and Cullen handed him the file. The old Templar looked over the file, "it seems you are correct, Knight-Captain. It seems who ever had this done did not want anyone to look into it. Perhaps speaking with Remon will help clear things up."

Cullen nodded slowly, "thank you. I will do that." He turned and headed towards the Tranquil quarters, leaving Carver to his records.

He hated the Tranquil Hall. It was always too quiet, an eerie stillness always loomed there. Thankfully it didn't take long to find Remon. He was sitting on a bench staring at nothing, the stuffed bear he had brought with him years ago sat next to him.

"Remon Lough?" Cullen asked him, snapping him out of whatever he was doing.

Slowly the boy looked up at him with empty blue eyes, "yes, Knight-Captain?"

Seeing such a young boy as a Tranquil was deeply unsettling, but Cullen continued, "do you remember me?"

"I do. You brought me here from my former home," he said with a flat indifference.

"Yes, um," Cullen tried not to stare at the Sunburst burst on the boy's forehead. Shaking off his unease, he decided to be direct. "I found your file was incomplete in the records and I need to ask you why you were made tranquil."

"Oh, I was not progressing fast enough in my studies," came his monotone reply.

"What do you mean?" Cullen had never heard such a ludicrous reason for tranquility.

"I was not making adequate progress in several schools of magic. It was decided tranquility would be the best outcome for everyone. I remember being very afraid, but I'm not sure what that means." His eyes seemed to look right through him, deeply unsettling Cullen.

Wanting to move on from the topic Cullen pointed to the bear, "I see you still have your friend."

"Yes, I remember being fond of it," Remon said almost whistfully. "Do you wish to take it? I would prefer to keep it."

"No," Cullen said gently, "keep him close and don't let anyone take him from you."

Remon nodded his understanding, "is there anything else I can help you with, Knight-Captain?"

"You've been quite helpful. I do not need any more assistance, thank you," Cullen turned away and Remon returned to staring off into space.

A feeling of foreboding wormed its way into his stomach. Kali had been right about Remon, and everything Cullen believed about the order was beginning to crumble. How deep did this go? Who was responsible? He had so many questions and too few answers. As he left the Tranquil Hall he took notice of the sheer number of Tranquil there. He had been blind before, but now his eyes had been opened to the darkness that cast itself over the Circle.


	19. Chapter 19

**This Chapter is kind of short and follows the game pretty closely. I hate writing chapters like that, especially in fan fiction. I just don't like feeling like I'm reading something I've already played through. Anyway, I kept the chapter short for that reason, but it was needed for the story.**

 **I have most of the next chapter done already, so there should be too long of a wait for that. Thank you all for your continued support throughout this process. I've really felt like I've grown as a writer and I've really enjoyed seeing where this story has taken me! I'm nowhere near done, I think. I'll keep writing until I finish or people lose interest.**

 **Also, I posted this story up on Archive of our Own under the pen name MuseMeow. I've done some minor edits and changes (nothing major) on there.**

 **Thanks,**

 **RussianBear27**

* * *

Chapter 19

Kali's anger and hurt had not subsided in the following days and weeks. As hard as she tried to distract herself, it was always at the back of her mind. This time she wasn't sure she could forgive what he had said. The worry that they were just too different was eating away at her. For now she didn't want to face that issue. Instead, there was plenty to be done in the city. Garrett had, after all, bitten off more than he could chew as the Viscount's personal errand boy.

Today it seemed the Vicount's son had gotten too close to the Quanri and converted to the Qun. The Viscount could not accept it, as it would surely cause him no end of trouble in the complex political system of the city. The mission was to be kept quiet, so he called upon Garrett to round up his son.

Which had brought them to the Qunari compound at the docks. Kali gripped her staff tightly, ready for any sign of trouble. There was an overwhelming sense that they had entered a powder keg and the smallest spark would set it off.

Qunari guards paced and watched them closely as they approached the Arishock. Kali looked to Varric who held his crossbow at the ready, also aware of the situation they had put themselves in. Aveline rested her hand on the hilt of sword, but had not unsheathed the weapon. Surprisingly, Garrett looked as clam and collected as ever.

"Serah Hawke," the Arishock greeted in hostile tones. Though, Kali thought everything the Qunari leader said was hostile. His voice was deep and gravely, only adding to his imposing presence. His black eyes stared out at them as if their very existence were insignificant.

"Arishock," Garrett nodded curtly. "I am seeking the son of the Viscount, Seamus."

The great Qunari let out a low growl. "The boy has bound himself to the Qun of his own will," he stated as if that settled the matter.

"Surely, you can understand the complications of such a commitment. His father is a powerful man," Garrett pressed.

"His father is irrelevant," the Arishock spat, "he is under the Qun now." The Arishock stood from his makeshift throne. Kali was sure the immense Qunari stood at least twice as tall as she did. His head was crowned with massive horns, typical of the Qunari, which added to his height.

"Regardless," the Arishock continued, "the boy is not here. A letter arrived and he has gone to your Chantry to severe all ties to his former life."

Garrett had the information he needed, "thank you. We'll be on our way, then."

"I don't like the looks of this, Hawke," Varric grumbled when they left the Qunari compound.

"Nor do I," Garrett admitted. "I'm sure Mother Petrice has her hand in this."

Everyone knew he was right. The Chantry Mother had been playing the city off the Qunari for years. All in the name of some twisted test of faith for the masses.

"Do you really think she'd hurt Seamus?" Kali asked as they headed through the Uptown market. Dusk was setting in and the streets were eerily deserted.

"The woman's crazy," Varric answered, "I suspect she's capable of just about anything."

"Whatever this is, it doesn't feel right," Aveline warned as they approached the Chantry.

Garrett pushed open a massive door and stepped into the Sanctuary. Varric and Aveline filed in after him while Kali took one last look at the dimly lit streets. Having seen nothing concerning, she quickly turned and followed her friends inside.

The Sanctuary was empty, save for a kneeing figure at the alter. Garrett was already approaching the figure, each step echoing through the hall.

"Seamus?" he asked placing a hand on his shoulder. The body slumped over, he was dead. Garrett knelt over his lifeless form as the other approached. A Qunari blade was embedded in the boy's chest, clearly signifying the perpetrator.

"What a tragedy," Mother Petrice stepped out from the shadows, her voice betraying no emotion for the loss of life. "Those Qunari truly are ruthless beasts if they are willing to murder a repentant soul. Have you really sunk so low as to carry out their treacherous orders?" A Templar and a few other armed citizens backed up the Chantry Mother, as if materializing from the eves.

Garrett glowered at her, "I think we both know the only true beast here is you."

"It doesn't matter, soon the city will be up in arms over Seamus' death and they will have the chance to defend their faith from the filth that pollutes this city." Petrice's eyes were cold. "You and your Qunari masters will pay the price for this crime. It will call up an uprising to purge this city from evil."

"You're mad. There won't be an uprising, it'll be a slaughter on both sides," Garrett continued.

"To die untested would be the real crime. One must prove themselves faithful to be by the Maker's side." Petrice raved.

"She's mad," Kali muttered to Garrett. She watched the small, but heavily armed mob behind Petrice. Her hand found her staff and she prepared herself for a fight.

"We'll start with you," Petrice exclaimed. She turned to her followers, "prove yourselves! Destroy these heretics!" The Mother retreated back into the Chantry, but the mob lunged forward in hail of blades and arrows.

The mob consisted mostly of untrained civilians who attacked blindly, but ferociously. Kali froze a few in place, making them easy targets for her companions. However, this caught the attention of the Templar in their mist. Before she could react she could him Silence her powers. She crumpled to the ground, it felt as if she had been kicked in the stomach.

Gasping for breath, the Templar was nearly upon her sword held aloft for a killing blow. Quickly she swept her feet under his, sending him tumbling to the ground with a load crash of armor against stone. Before he had the chance to recover she brought down the bladed tip of her staff down on the vulnerable spot between his helm and chest plate. It was a quick death, much more than what he would have given her.

Leaning heavily on her staff, she looked around at her companions. Their attackers didn't stand a chance against these seasoned warriors. Pretice surely knew she was sending her followers to an early death. Looking up at the far staircase Petrice was returning the carnage, this time with the Grand Cleric in tow.

"Your Grace, they have defiled the very sanctum of the Chantry. Look, every step they take brings death and corruption upon us," Petrice was already spewing her lies.

"It is as you say, Petrice, death in every corner," the Grand Cleric's voice was steady and clam even among the carnage.

Garrett approached the Revered mother, "it is death brought upon by her hand. She brought the Viscount's son here and murdered him in your name."

"Don't you spread your Qunari lies here, they will fall upon deaf ears," Petrice spat.

"I think it wise that I listen," she eyed Petrice suspiciously.

"Your lies have caught up to you Petrice," Garrett said, "there's no hiding behind the Chantry now."

Petrice wouldn't be so easily swayed even under the scrutiny of the Revered Mother. "Seamus came here to repent and was murdered for leaving the Qunari." The Grand Cleric was clearly not convinced.

"Look around, this was a set up. Petrice has orchestrated this from the beginning," Garrett pointed out.

"It seems that is so. I have been aware of your meddling for some time now Petrice," the Grand Cleric turned to Petrice.

"They deny the Maker," Petrice cried in desperation.

"And you diminish Him, even as you claim His side," her eyes bore into her and Petrice adverted her gaze. Turning to Garrett, the Grand Cleric continued, "the young Mother has erred in her ways. A court will decide her fate. The Chantry is not above the law."

With that the Grand Cleric turned and headed up the stairs, leaving Petrice to wallow in defeat. Before the Grand Cleric had even reached the top of the stairs, an arrow shot out from the shadows striking Petrice in the chest. She gasped in surprise looking down at the arrow that had struck her. Slowly, she looked up at her attacker, a Qunari archer. Before she could take another breath, the Qunari sent a second arrow. This time it struck between her eyes, killing her instantly.

"The Qunari do not abandon their own," was all he in explanation before exiting the Chantry.

The Grand Cleric halted her progress on the stairwell, but did not look back. "Please," she called out to Garrett, "send for Viscount Dumar." With that, she continued up the stairs and disappeared.


	20. Chapter 20

**Hello!**

 **I don't think I've ever finished a chapter so soon after posting the previous one. I did say I was almost done with this one.**

 **We get to see Cullen and Kali in action together! Hurray! I hope you enjoy it and like where I took this one.**

 **Also thanks Flaminea for your review, I always love hearing from you!**

 **Off we go!**

 **RussianBear27**

* * *

Chapter 20

Kali didn't wait around for the Viscount to arrive. She didn't want to see what should surely be a private moment of a man grieving for his son. Garrett check to see if she was okay. She assured him she was feeling better, her strength and power returning after being Silenced by the Templar.

"Just be careful, alright?" Garrett implored.

"It's fine. I'm just going home," she pushed a hand through her hair, trying to keep it out of her face. She was exhausted, and just wanted to sleep.

He relented and Kali stepped out into the darkened streets. High Town was clear of any trouble, but as soon as she crossed into Low town she could feel someone was tailing her. Their footsteps consistently behind her, but every time she turned, there was just an empty street. She was being paranoid, but she quickened her pace towards the Alienage.

Turning her head once more to glance over her shoulder, she saw nothing. It was when she turned back that hooded figure stepped out in front of her. Kali jumped back in surprise, whipping out her staff ready for another fight.

"Kali, it's me," came the familiar voice. He pulled off the hood of his cloak revealing his face.

"Andraste's tits, Cullen," she swore. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I just needed to see you."

Kali lowered her staff, and sighed. She didn't want to deal with this right now. Sleep was the only thing on her mind at the moment. Then she looked at him. Cullen's eyes were bloodshot. It looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. There was tremble in his hands that he couldn't quite hide behind the folds of his cloak.

"Are you alright?" Kali asked concerned.

Cullen looked embarrassed, "we need to speak somewhere private."

"Sure we can…" before Kali could finish her sentence a woman's scream interrupted them. She looked to Cullen who seemed to be thinking the same. Without a word they headed off towards the origins of the scream.

A few streets over they found a small pool of blood. It was fresh. They searched the scene looking for more evidence.

"Over here," Cullen called to her. He pointed to another small blood spatter. A trail.

Silently they followed the trail. They couldn't be far behind, and they didn't want to alert any possible threats that may be just ahead. The trail of blood began running smaller and sparser as they reached the docks. Whoever was bleeding, it was surely slowing down. Fortunately their destination wasn't far. An old run down warehouse sported a small blood pool outside its door.

Kali looked over to Cullen, he was steadying his shaky hands on the hilt of his sword. "Are you up for this," she asked as they prepared to enter.

"I'm fine," he said a little too quickly. Eying him wearily she slowly pushed open the door.

They could hear the incantations of spell being cast deeper in the warehouse. Slowly they made their way through the vast maze of abandoned boxes and junk. Creeping down an old stone staircase, the perpetrator came into view. A robed mage with greying hair stood over a woman on a stone table, a dagger poised to strike. His back was facing them, so they still had the element of surprise. The mumbled words of his spell tipped off that it was powerful magic that required ritual and concentration.

"Necromancer," Kali mouthed to Cullen as the crouched behind some crates. The woman on the table struggled weakly against her bindings, with no success. This was more than necromancy, it was blood magic and Cullen caught on immediately. He closed his eyes for a moment, steadying his hand on the hilt of his blade.

Kali worried he wasn't up for this, but they had to make their move now if they were going to save this woman. She placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked at her with tired eyes, nodding to indicate he was ready.

Their attack caught the mage off guard. Cullen knocked the mage back before he brought down the knife, but the mage threw up a barrier, sending Cullen sprawling. Kali rushed to Cullen to help him up, he was definitely not on top of his game tonight. Before he could stand up the mage slit his hand with the knife, blood flowing freely.

Kali stood back to back with Cullen. A slew of demons rose up from seemingly nowhere, surrounding them.

"Ready?" Cullen asked.

"Always," Kali slung an ice bolt at the nearest rage demon and all hell broke loose.

There were six demons and blood mage and only two of them. Yet, somehow those odds didn't seem to phase Kali. She quickly dropped three demons while maintaining a protective barrier around herself and Cullen. One got a little too close for comfort slashing at her back with horrendous claws. The disfigured demon missed its mark and Kali froze it where it stood, a mere few inches from her. Bringing down staff the demon shattered into thousands of pieces. Her Templar was just as successful with his own demons, making short work of them with his long sword.

The blood mage moved towards the woman on the table, but Kali blocked his path. Lunging at him, staff poised for a storm of ice, Kali was met with mage's own attack. She was was stopped dead in her tracks, trying to resist the maleficar's magic. She was trapped in a blood wound. Kali screamed out in pain, as her blood began to boil beneath her skin.

"Kali!" Cullen cried out to her. She sank to her knees, gritting her teeth against the pain. Black spots appeared in her vision and she felt herself lose her grip on reality. Her ears were ringing loudly, her whole body felt as if it was on fire. It felt as if her head was gradually being torn apart as every other nerve in her body cried out in pain. At this rate the mage would kill her, and she would welcome an end the pain.

"Leave her alone!" Cullen raised his sword high and charged the mage. Bringing his blade down in a righteous strike, the mage's power was immediately cut off. The man staggered back, but before he could regain his footing, Cullen drove his blade into the man's gut. The mage stared at him wide-eyed for a moment, coughing up blood. Cullen roughly pulled back his sword and let the maleficar crumple. He was dead before he hit the floor.

Breathing heavily, Cullen approached her winded by battle. "Are you alright," his voice heavy with fear and concern he crouched down beside her.

"I-I'm alright. J-just give me… a moment." She pulled a vial out of a pocket on her belt. She drank it down, grimacing at the bitter taste. Slowly her breathing returned to normal and the ringing in her ears subsided.

"Let's not do that again," Kali breathed deep and Cullen helped her get to her feet, the healing potion having done its job.

"Agreed," Cullen said. "We should get you to a healer."

"No, I'll be fine," she insisted. Already she could feel her strength returning at the urge of her own healing magic.

Seeing that she would be okay, the pair turned her attention to the woman they had come to save. To her surprise it was Leandra Hawke lying on the table. She was tied up and had a nasty gash on the top of her head, but otherwise fine.

"Leandra," Kali removed the dirty rag from her mouth.

"Thank the Maker. I thought he was going to kill me," the older woman sighed. Kali helped her sit up and unbound her hands and feet. "Are you two going to be alright?"

"We'll be alright my lady," Cullen was still a bit winded. "We've been through far worse." Leandra only nodded in reply.

"Can you walk?" Kali asked.

"I believe so, I am a little dizzy, but I should make it," Leandra slid down off the table steadying herself on its surface.

"This is Garrett's mother," Kali clarified before motioning to Cullen, "this is…"

"Knight-Captain Cullen Rutherford," Cullen held out his hand.

"Ah, yes I remember you. You came for my Bethany nearly four years ago now," her tone was matter of fact as she shook Cullen's hand gently.

"Yes. I am, um, well I'm sorry about that." Cullen turned a shade of red.

"Don't be. I owe my life to you, and you are not the first Templar to come to my aid. I respect your Order, even if I don't always agree with its practices. Though, something tells me you feel the same way," she looked at Kali and back to Cullen.

"Erm, yes, well, I trust Kali and sometimes the Order isn't so… trusting," Cullen said.

Leandra nodded curtly, deciding not to push the issue further. "It's good to know there are still good people in the Order, but I believe it best if we leave here. I'd like to go home if you don't mind."

"Of course," Kali said offering her arm to the older woman. Cullen looked around at the mess one last time before following them up. Stepping out into the night air, they all breathed a collective sigh of relief. Looking up the street, Kali caught sight of Garrett approaching them.

"Mother!" Garrett called out as he got close enough to recognize them. "You're alright. You had Gamlen and I worried sick."

"I'm fine thanks to your friends here," she pulled her oldest son into a hug.

Garrett looked at Kali, then Cullen. His gaze stopped on the Templar, a look of surprise on his face. "Thank you," he muttered. "I am in your debt."

"You should take her home. She needs to rest," Kali encouraged him.

"Of course," he said. He lead her away, glancing back only once before disappearing into the night.

"Well that was interesting," Kali said breaking the silence.

"That is was, but can we please go somewhere I can sit down?" Cullen pleaded.

"Right this way," Kali took his shaking hand in hers and lead him through the darkness.

The Alienage was dark and quiet, as it normally was at this hour. Thankfully, there were no more obstacles between them and Kali's home. Cullen immediately sat down in a chair, exhausted. A thin sheen of sweat on his brow.

"When was the last time you had any lyrium?" Kali asked patiently.

"Two days ago," he said quietly.

"Why have you stopped?"

"Knight-Commander Meredith felt it would encourage me to refocus on my efforts on more important matters. Apparently investigating the increasing number of Tranquil in the Circle is above my station," he looked at her.

"So you found something?" Kali asked cautiously a little surprised he had actually looked into the matter.

"Yes, and when I felt I had enough evidence to warrant a wider investigation she denied my motion. I pushed back, and well… she cut my lyrium ration and closed the books," Cullen stared at the ground in front of him.

"She does know she could kill you, right?" Kali's anger was obvious.

"The Knight-Commander is well aware of the risks, and my limits. She wouldn't let it progress that far. It's a show of her power, not a death sentence," Cullen explained.

Kali busied herself searching through her cabinets. Sometimes she would keep extra potions from Harel's shops at home. A sick neighbor would sometimes seek her out for aid if they could not afford a healer or were unwilling to brave Dark Town to seek out Ander's clinic. Her stock and abilities limited her to light ailments and minor wounds, but she helped where she could.

Finding her stock of lyrium, she grabbed a small bottle and crossed the small apartment to Cullen. His eyes were closed, his hands rubbing at his temples trying to stave off what was surely a terrible headache.

"Here," Kali handed him the small bottle of blue liquid. "It's not much, but it should help to keep you out of withdrawal for a while."

Cullen took the vial from her hands, and eyed it wearily as if he was considering taking it at all. After a few moments he pulled the stopper out and drank its contents. "Thank you," Cullen muttered.

Kali sat down beside him, "of course."

"Look, about what I said last time we spoke. I didn't mean what I said about the Tranquil, about the boy, Remon. I do care what happens to them. He was the first case I looked into and Remon is just one of many others who have been sentence to that fate with little or no cause. I just didn't want to believe the Templar Order was capable of such a thing. I didn't want the organization I devoted my life to turn out to be such a monstrosity," Cullen sighed.

"They say ignorance is bliss, right?" Kali said. "This town is going to shit."

"What do you mean?"

"It seems like the Qunari are one bad word away from breaking out of that compound. The Viscount's son is dead, murdered by a zealous Mother of the Chantry. And apparently the Templars and the Circle are not fairing much better," Kali brought Cullen up to speed. "Is there any faction of this town that isn't trying to be rid of the others?"

"There's you," Cullen said quietly, "and as much as it pains me to say it, there's Hawke. If there are any rational voices out there in this city, it's you and your friends. Believe it or not there are also some good people in the Templars. We might be a minority, but we exist," he half joked.

Kali leaned up against him, and Cullen put his arm around her. They were both exhausted. The events of the day had drained them, and the state of the city weighed heavy upon them.

"I love you," Kali said gently, not wanting to talk any more about the crumbling world around them.

"I love you, Kali," he leaned his forehead against hers. "I almost thought I'd lose you today," his voice was hardly above a whisper. "I don't think I could…"

Kali shushed him, "don't talk like that. You saved me, we're here and we're both okay." She pulled him into a kiss. "No matter what happens, I'll always come back to you. I promise."

Cullen wrapped his arm around her, as if trying to shield her from the world that threatened to tear them apart. Soon they drifted off to sleep, too tired to even move to the bedroom. They slept, not knowing the dawn would set into motion the series of events that change their lives and the city forever.


End file.
